The effects of Chanting, Perhaps?

I was drawn into the whole Nichiren Buddhist scene during my stay in New York by a group of friends. The last night of my stay, I cooked dinner for a party of 15 or so happy heads, and we were all downing glasses of Prosecco and Chardonnay. By the time the festivities wound down, I was feeling a slight pounding in my head from the heat and the booze, and this is when I was introduced to chanting. Four of them (Kari, Mica, Rann and Oli) went into Mica's room to chant their evening gongyo and I was lucky enough to be a part of it.

By the time it was over, my head stopped pounding. I didn't consider this as a mystical experience at all. I know very well the positive effects of sound therapy and meditation, being an amateur practicioner. When I feel out of focus, I would usually listen to an instrumental piece of music that's loaded with Theta and Delta wave pulses, and they seem to do the trick for me.

What I didn't know was that I was about to take the practice home with me.

I will not expound so much on the details of Nichiren Buddhism because I'm not quite the expert on it. I'm still a bit of the guinea pig - still trying if the whole thing works out. I know it's too early to report positive results as I've only been chanting for a week. But tonight, I caught myself doing something I wouldn't have thought of doing in a gazillion years (not even the slightest bit!).

Although it may look a tad insane, I'll take my chances and share it anyway.

I caught myself telling this little guy, "I LOVE YOU", and I was possessed by a burning desire to hug the little thing! While we all know it's impossible to hug a fish, but I did it anyway by putting my arms around his 2 gallon fishbowl.

I HUGGED MY PET FISH BECAUSE I WAS TOO HAPPY.

Oh Lord, I think I am losing it.

A letter to a lost love.

August 18, 2009

Dear New York,

I am writing this letter to you mostly to apologize that I did not heed your call in 2003. I admit I shamelessly turned my back on you for 'personal' reasons, and, being young and inexperienced as I was, I never paid any attention to the opportunities that you've generously sent my way.

Over the course of the last 6 years, I have constantly shoved you in the back of my mind. I've even gone so far as to classify you as a withered illusion, and that I would be absolutely crazy to give up what I've got going on for myself in glorious Sin City. As much as I reduced you in my head, the truth still stands... I grew more and more afraid of coming to you as I got more comfortable in living my own predictable version of a life.

I've got it made for me - the house, the car, the job, and the perks... but somehow, something was amiss. And the more I try to look for it, the more I got lost along the way. It's true. I'm ashamed to admit it, but the person who stands in my place right now no longer resembles the ME I knew from years ago. It's unbearable for me to not be able to recognize the person that I am, and not even know the things that I love to do. Everyday feels like a blank slate that I write on, yet all these words get erased as I sleep. My days don't allow me to accumulate experiences and I feel empty in the presence of abundance. And this... living like this is the biggest red flag that I've ever seen. I know to live this way isn't right and it would never be justified.

I thought I'd never hear from you again, but apparently, our business remains unsettled. Fate ordered me to come for a week-long stay in the company of good friends. I answered your call not knowing what it would do to me to walk your city streets and experience your pulse firsthand. But YOU did something to me. You shifted my feelings of fear into feelings of courage and hope. You've turned on my internal compass. You've amplified the sound of the little voice that I hear in my head. In the grand and glorious places that I went, and in the amazing people that I met throughout my 7 day stay, I was able to find the little bits and pieces of myself that I've lost along the way. Each piece was a clue as to who I was. And in such a short stay, I was able to figure it out. I found the best version of myself in a crowded apartment in Nostrand Avenue, amongst the company of friends, both old and new. For the first in a very long time, I found that my pockets were full - in it were all the reasons that I needed to go on and live my life as vicariously as I envisioned it.

I found happiness in the smiles of everyone who appreciated the food I lay out, in the empty bottles of Prosecco and Chardonnay, in the endless pile of dishes that needed to be washed, in the thundering sound of the subway, in the humid heat that left me darker than I was a week before, in playing a drunken game of Cranium and Charades, and finally, in the wondrous chanting of a few close Buddhist friends. Although these things may seem pretty mundane, they brought me visions of a life that I would like to have. And in an instant, I am alive again.

Thank you for warmly welcoming me and for having me. In your streets, I felt normal and comfortable to be no one else but me. I confess that I was in love with you for a very long time, and when we finally met, I fell even harder. I probably never will get over you.

All I ask, is that if you would consider me worthy of living in one of your burroughs, please send me a sign that I won't be able to ignore. I am eager to start on our 'unfinished business' - the adventure that I tossed in the back seat a long time ago. You, New York, are my new best friend. Although I have to love you from a distance (FOR NOW), I hope to eventually find my way home to you.

Thanks, once again, for giving me so much to look forward to.

Louiie

It must be love.

I've had him for as long as I've been in Vegas.

He wakes me up, he bugs me, and constantly shadows me around the house.

I wake him up, I bug him, and I occasionally run after his shadow when he darts out of the house.

I don't mind his queerness.
He doesn't mind my queerness.

I understand what he means when he lets out a half meow.

He understands what I mean when I don't complete my sentences.

I try being a responsible pet owner by purposely feeding him the good stuff for indoor cats.

He tries to be a responsible pet by purposely coughing up a hairball on a book that I was about to give this girl (whom he didn't like).

Everyday, I tell him he's the coolest cat I've ever had.

Everyday, he tells me the same.

A Picture Diary Entry ~ 8.8.09

WARNING:
This may cause FOOD ENVY.

I started my day off like this:

A little sour, a little funky, a tad wrinkly and strange.

THE UGLIEST LEMON I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

How the hell did this guy make it to my fridge?

~~~~~~~

And everything was going downhill, until...

I decided to test drive the brand new Weber grill I inherited from my Uncle.

~~~~~~~

I busted out my knife and started making MAGIC.

Well... not really MAGIC. This is a detailed view of the mango salsa I paired up with some pork that I was marinating.

~~~~~~~

So I put the pork on the grill and I thought... "It'd be such a shame to waste one fabulous afternoon.".

So I set up the hammock that I bought a few weeks ago and took a little cat nap while waiting for dinner to get done.

~~~~~~~

At this point, everything was going splendidly that I just had to do a self-photo to commemorate the occasion.

~ ;) ~

~~~~~~~

I got a little hungry after that so I decided to make myself something to eat while I do my little 'cook and lounge while you're at it' act.

Croissant with strawberry preserve and butter, sliced fresh kiwi on the side.

~~~~~~~

About 3 cat naps later, dinner was ready and waiting.

Lemongrass Pork Chops, hot off the barbie.

~ Life is good. :) ~

The fish with 2 names.

I named him Ennio (after Ennio Morricone, the great Hollywood soundtrack composer) for a couple of days before my Mom took over his tank-keeping duties. Now he's being called WALL-E because she thinks it's cute and also because she eventually would like to buy him a tank mate and name her EVA.

I wouldn't be surprised if this fish develops a case of multiple identities.

RED

Results for my blood exam came back today, and it was one that kind of worried me. The doctor's office phoned me and the girl on the other end of the line told me that I had a low red blood cell count (which could mean so many things, including Anemia).

BUT I CHECKED THE VIAL AND WHATEVER THAT WAS COLLECTED IN IT WAS RED!

Apparently, what weighs the most is what cannot be seen with the naked eye.

"We have to do your CBC again.".

Another poke, another worry.

Tiny, Silent, but MIGHTY.

The night I got my goldfish, I was so excited to take him home and set up his fish bowl that I FORGOT TO BUY FISH FOOD. When my mom found out, she immediately gave me the Holy Jesus proper on how she can't believe some people would actually want pets and not give them their 100%.

But ma... I FORGOT!

To make up for my carelessness, the next day (after being ass-whooped in the kitchen) I trotted my weary person over to Wal-Mart to buy the fish goodies. Nevermind that it was sooooo late in the evening and that I was going to sleep less than 4 hours because I had to work brunch in the morning... I can't come home to a hungry fish and not have anything to feed it.

It's amazing how a tiny 2-inch fish with a 4 second memory (supposedly) could sway someone over a thousand times it's size to make that extra effort to get him fed and happy.

The Swimmer

Here's a little glimpse of the newest addition to our household.