...i, la suma de los dos contrarios.

2010-10-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

Life is something that cannot be summed up in a treatment, storyboarded, scripted, nor planned...

It's a work of art - a movie, or call it what you wish, which wasn't made for editing. And the sheer truth is, it's so goddamn fucking beautiful that way.

the definition of exhaustion.

2010-10-23T01:14:00.000-07:00

I hit the mat again today, OFFICIALLY.

After a month long absence from Bikram due to my unforgiving schedule, today I decided to turn up the heat and go balls to the wall with my practice. I had it clear in my head: "I'm going to own the next 90 minutes in this 105 degree sauna!"

A pat on the back for me for thinking positive... well put little grasshopper! But nooooo... in actuality, the minute I stepped in the room, the next hour and a half of heat ended up owning me! Today was perhaps the shittiest of all my practices. I quit and found myself in child's pose halfway through the standing series.

Struggle was the word of the day. I don't know how I survived that class, but I left the studio with happy endorphins racing through my veins. It didn't last long, however. I had to go to work right after my yoga class.

So now, after my eight hour shift, I can barely move because most of my bits and pieces are sore and achy. I feel like a steamroller ran me over. I want to say I had the most fulfilling day with my yoga practice in place.

But no... at day 1, my mat whooped me.

people need something to look forward to...

2010-10-21T01:27:00.001-07:00

I'm amazingly sad tonight. My friend, Billie, finally decided to leave Las Vegas.

No, I'm not sad to the point where I would bawl my eyes out. I'm sad, as if i suffered a bad papercut when she told me the news. I don't know which is worse, but the bottomline is, there is no smiling for me to-night. NO SIR!

The thing that struck me the most was when she said she couldn't stand how trapped she feels in her career. According to her, the higher she went, the more she lost herself. She said something to this effect:

"I am not going to work, then going home to crash, and then I wake up the next day only to do it all over again."

What she said absolutely killed me.

I have been growing restless ever since my last plane trip a few weeks ago. How could I possibly recover from my great experiences? I've been all over. I've been without sleep. I've mananged to peel a few layers off my calloused self, and I enjoyed my own frailty as a human being. I went to Mexico, ALONE. I stayed at a hostel (something that I would not do under normal circumstances). I base jumped a bottomless cenote,

and I survived.

I spent a day boating in Central Park, taking photos of a rubber duck like there is no tomorrow. I ate Pork Buns at Momofuku. I got excited at the sight of monster squirrels (seriously, when was the last time a bushy tailed creature turned you on?). I charmed my way into getting a late night appointment at one of the finest tattoo parlors EVER.

I got a tattoo.

I went home. I showed my tattoo to my mother, and she liked it. She even said, "Hey, I know what that means!". My ink means Carpe Diem...

I skipped yoga. I left all my books. I left my cellphone unattended and my emails unanswered. Not my finest moves, but in spite of it all...

... I lived.

And so I've come back with no outbound flight waiting for me. The whole month I was earning my travel mileage, I realized that I've somehow learned to live again. Lately though, I find myself suffering the same predicament that Billie did. It's so difficult to stay positive when the equation that sums up your life goes something like this:

I'm going to work, crashing, and then waking up only to do it all over again. (Well, okay, I'm lying about this to some degree, but in general, this is the pattern that engulfs all of us who live here.)

Having said all that I just said, I'm sad that Billie is leaving, but I understand her completely. With all my heart, I do.

I will miss her terribly, and the nagging feeling that I should have, could have, would have - those ifs and buts and if only's will gnaw at me. I should have been there for her, in the in-betweens. As a friend, I should have at least taken the time of day to drive down to her house without planning it weeks ahead. I should have been a catalyst to spontaneity. I should have phoned her more often. I should have done something with her, actually, anything that we could have both looked forward to.

But I didn't.

And it hurts sooooo good this balmy October evening...

It stings.

But at least now she has something to look forward to.

how years break into months...

2010-10-11T01:13:00.001-07:00

...which then break into weeks, then days, hours, minutes, and ultimately, seconds.

It's the little things that add up. The little strokes of time and activity that paint the bigger picture. It's the moments that build up the entire framework of a lifetime.

I've somewhere I want to be in 1.5 years. If I do the math, that would be 1.5 years = 18 months = 72 weeks = 548 days = 13,152 hours = 789,120 minutes = 47,347,200 seconds (or something like that. It's an approximation people!).

I'm planning on making every second count. :)

18 months and I am going to be somewhere.

Choices

2010-09-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Cancun today.

I freaked out when I got to my hostel, shortly after noon. I guess a part of me was screaming that I didn't have a beach view and that I had to share a room with 7 or so other people.

But I was reminded this evening, post dinner, what I came here for. I met a bunch of cool people - all of whom are also caught in this whirlwind of a life yet choose to time out and travel to "broaden" their horizons.

I know I should be partying. Cancun after all equals party. But I think of my poor liver and all the work I had already invested doing the bikram yoga thing and all.

I wish I could stay here MUCH longer. As much as I say that I want to live in the urban regions of cosmopolitan cities, I found out I am a beach person at heart.

A way of looking at TIME / JUST DO IT.

2010-08-29T02:03:00.001-07:00

I find that my creative time is divided into two categories:

1.) Time spent thinking (sometimes obsessing) about doing something. = SCRATCHING AROUND

Here, my internal dialogue goes something like: "It's going to be a great script / song. Hmmmm... let me see if I can bake some brownies later on tonight... I have to do a character analysis for my new project... I have to make an effort to finish reading that book... Lalalalalala..."

During those times, I feel like a hamster compelled to run on my wheel, and sadly, I never really get anywhere.

2.) Actual time spent doing (writing, laying down beats, or whatever it is that floats my boat)

I find that this period is wayyyyy shorter than scratching around. I have a love/hate relationship with deadlines. Can't live with them, and can't live without them. They get me moving and leave me with little or no sleep. They harass me out of my comfort zone and my carefully planned timetable, eradicating the slightest notion of procrastination and the battery of excuses as to why i need to sit on my ass and zen out. They force me to pick and choose my battles for the plain purpose of streamlining my efforts (a.k.a. keeping things simple).

The battle between me and my looming deadline logs as: KILL OR BE KILLED. I find it essential to slay the dragon right in the heart because it gives me satisfaction.

At the very least, deadlines push me to get things done. So yes, I secretly love them. I may bitch, moan, and complain all day, but the truth is, I find pleasure in the doing. Deep down, I am smiling beneath the scowl. Deep down inside, I'm happy with the struggle.

Personally, I feel that a perfectly fine day goes to waste without any creative output. I would go crazy if I had to sit still. And this poses another problem which I will get to sometime in the future.

But at least for now, why do I spend more time thinking than doing?

And I break my writing fast...

2010-08-28T01:56:00.001-07:00

I suffered a terrible revision for my first script. I'm still reeling off the effects of sleepless nights and sitting down, trying to edit page after page, minute after minute of scenes which closely resemble my day job (the script, after all, is a rom-com set in the kitchen). Luckily, it was well received amongst my peers ~ writers and non-writers alike, and because of this momentum, I decided to push my screenwriting forward following my acceptance into UCLA's intermediate screenwriting program this fall.

In short, that means I will be terrible at remembering birthdays, appointments, and accomplishing things on my to-do list. It seems that I have a knack for making my already busy life even busier. Now, on to grander things.

I will be traveling a lot this September. Thanks to an early morning tip from my friend, Kari, I was able to score myself an all you can fly pass for the month. I have never really lived out of a suitcase before, and this is a great time to try out the whole deal. The only thing I'm kind of sad about is the fact that I will be missing out on yoga for the entire month. *Weeping* But, oh... all the places I will go! That alone gives me motivation.

Earlier today, I visited a Chinese herbalist for an alternative to a drug that was recently prescribed to me. PRESCRIPTION DRUGS? HELL! I HATE THEM! I hate them for the pure fact that they bog my system down with numerous side effects - all of which are printed in teeny weeny font on the drug info packet. The lady who put together my packet of herbs barely spoke any english, but she moved with skill, dexterity, and confidence as she measured and poured my 'ancient Chinese remedy' onto a piece of paper and into a vacuum sealed bag.

What exactly is in it? I HAVE NO CLUE. So if I begin to act weird or grow facial hair, I'm going to have to go back to the herbalist for a counter-cure. All I really know is that I have to make soup with the 'mystery packet'. I hope it works, whatever it is, so I can flush those loathesome pills down the drain.

On a lighter note, I've got New York on my mind and I'm glad I'm making good on my promise

to my galpals that I'll be visiting every 6 months or so. My NY peeps are awesome-amazing and they're a happy bunch to chill and have fun with. Finally! Some well-deserved r&r in the midst of chaos.

And I suddenly remember I promised to blog about my makeup class...

Exit... stage right.

The String

2010-06-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

It could just be me...

Or it could also be a byproduct of an extended quarter life crisis.

I've had that point where all the people, places, and events in my life continually swirl around me and dissolve into a hazy mist, where I can't touch them or feel them. There were times when these things seem like an illusion - much like living in someone else's movie of a life.

And time... don't let me get started on time. Time moves at an agonizingly slow pace. Time heals they say. Well, for me, time was nothing but an expanse I had to sit in while I wait in limbo. Limbo while watching the world pass you by - such a painful thing to endure, even if you had to sit through this with a cup of coffee and a fresh croissant.

Somehow, despite all the negative things I had to say in this post, I found a string to hold on to. At first, I held it in my hand and it slowed down the blur. Then, I instinctively learned to tug on it, and it made an incision in the fog, giving me a glimpse of what lies ahead - interesting things, might I add.

At this point, I'd have to say, it's more of a matter of un-learning what I know, and re-learning to trust my gut.

It's not at all easy, but I MUST FOLLOW MY STRING.

the curtain finally parts...

2010-06-17T01:36:00.001-07:00

And it's when...

...it's finally time to see the big picture.
...the why's and wherefore's of a previous life finally gets some solid answers.
...your favorite tune finally comes on the radio.
...you finally wake up with a little pep in your step.
...you realize you got what it takes to be on top of your game, and you've had it all along.

Cheese.

But cheese aside, don't these things ring true?

My curtain finally parted, and voila!

I found my head and my heart in the same place.

too much of nothing...

2010-05-15T01:46:00.001-07:00

...going on right here. I am breaking my three month long absence with this post.

Wahey!

I have survived my 16 unit semester. That's right, 16 units on top of a full time job. How on earth did I manage? No se.

Of the things that I've learned from my massive credit hour overload this semester, the following are worth noting:

1.) I feel no desire to work / write / edit / record anything in my studio / self appointed workspace. Most of my work was actually done while I camped out in our living room, with a floor lamp illuminating my laptop from behind me.

2.) I do not prefer tea over coffee and vise versa. It's actually having a mug of something beside me that actually matters. I cannot write if there isn't any beverage going cold in that mug.

3.) I cannot shoot creative photos under pressure. I think about all my photographer friends and how they compose, frame, meter, lalalalalala their shots. In spite of having a decent DSLR, I just really want to use my trusty old point and shoot.

4.) The hardest thing, as always, is to get started. Once the ball is rolling, it rolls (easy).

5.) Tunes from the 80's actually keep me up better than any cigarette or cup of coffee.

6.) I love my ROOMBA. I wouldn't know what I'd do without it. Mental note: MUST CATCH UP ON CLEANING DUTIES.

7.) My dog really HATES me. Oh well... off we go to a behavioral therapist, him and me.

8.) When you are overloaded and overwhelmed, it is best to dedicate one day to ZEN in order to keep sane.

9.) I'm not going to lie anymore. I dislike what I do for a living. I've turned down two job offers in the past month alone. I pray to sweet baby Jesus that somehow, I can make a living out of my creativity for a change. If that happens, I will quit acting like I have a stick lodged in my A#$, I promise.

10.) Above all else, I learned that nothing is impossible when you psyche yourself up to do it. 16 units? Done. 133 page script not really required for class but, DONE ANYWAY (in a little over a month). Getting an A from the notoriously tough creative writing professor, WELL DONE!

Now, the wait for the rest of my grades is on... Will I get all A's in my 16 unit odyssey and will I live up to the standard of being an overachiever?

We shall wait and see.

amour de nourriture

2010-02-10T00:56:00.000-08:00

I’ve many fond memories of good food. Being a chef and all, the experience and celebration of food is where my life revolves. For now, I will turn you onto a childhood experience that imprinted itself on me, so much that I knew from that moment on that I had wanted to become a professional chef.

~~~~~~~

He had a crisp white jacket and a tall toque on his head. In front of him were two burners and two non-stick pans which he swirled butter in when they had become hot. He then carefully ladled out a thin white batter onto the hot pan and skillfully started tilting – forward, sideways and backwards, so that the batter would coat the entire hot surface before it settled down to cook. The smell of butter wafted through the air of the dining room, and the man in the crisp white jacket took a small spatula and smoothly slid a thin, circular sheet of perfection onto the plate.

He turned to his right side and took a spoonful of fresh mangoes in simple syrup and laid it on the center of the plate. His hand reached for a bowl of sweetened fresh whipped cream, and before I knew it, he had placed a dollop on top of the mangoes. Using the same spatula to free the thin and lacy pancake, the chef folded it into thirds. He smiled as he handed the plate to me.

I was mesmerized from the minute I saw this process begin. It was romance, with pans involved. I had never been impressed with flapjacks, silver dollars or waffles. I always thought the process of making pancakes was a bit rough: ladle the batter, wait for it to grow a million bubbles (which I actually found a bit gross and alien like), and flip. Crepe making was different, however. It involved subtle skillful gestures like a somewhat loose hold on the pan and the delicate turning of one’s wrist in order to achieve a perfect product. It was a coy dance - one that aims for nothing less than to seduce your senses. The movement is a mastery of love for a simple, yet elegant food.

With my 9 year old hands, I took a highly polished fork and proceeded to cut into the gem of a dish I had in front of me. The thin crepe gave way, its velvet softness parting to expose its sweet contents. I took a mouthful in, and I was in flavor heaven. The buttery crepe cradled the tender and delicate mangoes, and the rich cream melt in my mouth enveloping all the pleasant tastes that this dish had to offer. I had no abrupt desire to chew and swallow. I just wanted to stay in this state of bliss, forever, if God would permit it.

Sadly, through the years and all my travels, through all the crepes I have sampled, I have never had a moment as magical as this.

It was roughly 19 years ago since I had this experience. I was dining with my mother and my cousin at the Bahia, a restaurant in what was previously known as Manila Garden (I believe it is now owned by the Dusit Hotel Group). Before I was even ten years old, my passion for food was already being awakened and kindled. Little did I know that it would lead me to become who I am at present. I now wear the white jacket, and on quiet weekend mornings, I would take my De Buyer crepe pan from its dormancy and swirl it with butter and a thin, milky batter. I would take my jar of Nutella and some bananas, make a layer of filling in the middle, and neatly fold my breakfast item of choice into thirds. Nearly two decades later, I wouldn’t have expected this experience to lurch from my memory in vivid detail. But, the memory of a first love is not one to be washed away - not by time, circumstance, or even a more recent amour.

And this was indeed, love at first bite.

And here we go again...

2010-01-18T22:47:00.000-08:00

My last day of non-academia was spent at home. It was balmy and raining, which made a good excuse to lounge in and around my house trying not to do anything. I made use of free time by standing in front of my stove, making a week's worth of preservative and additive-free meals for Juno and Santiago (my cat and dog, respectively). Juno would not have anything to do with my brown rice, salmon, poultry and vegetable creation. He thrives on Fancy Feast alone (since we had to add moisture to his diet due to a UTI he developed a few weeks back). Santiago, my chihuahua chulo, would eat anything. I've proven this when I attempted to peel a navel orange in front of his crate. He ended up eating half of my fruit.

Seriously, what kind of dog eats oranges?

The other part of the afternoon I spent making tomato sauce. Apparently, I've developed a distaste for red meat once again. I'm still waiting for the day I would wake up and drink a protein shake, but I haven't gone that cuckoo... YET.

I watched Carlos Cuaron's Rudo y Cursi on DVD today. It was exactly a year ago that it was previewed in Sundance. I've seen it in the theater before, but some films are better watched twice. This is one of them. Usually, the first time one sees a movie (especially a heavily themed or loaded one), there's a lot to take in. The second time around, one becomes more alert for those little nuances. It's as if another sense of understanding within us opens up. We become aware of the characters and the things they go through. We have better appreciation for the time and the setting in which the story takes place. We become observant of the motion picture itself.

But why... why the sudden contemplation about cinema?

Last semester, I saw myself as a newbie to the world of film and theater. I was an acting student, taking up Spanish and a crash course in film industry communication.

Tomorrow, I become a budding screenwriter. The count to Sundance begins.

My name is Louiie Victa, and I am a film student.

The last push.

2009-12-24T12:56:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas eve and I am currently enjoying my downtime on ze lazyboy in my loft. Downtime ~ now that's a thought, Oh Lord! That's something I didn't have the luxury of doing the past 5 or so months. It's all over now... And I'm kind of sad that it is.

I recently discovered a nifty little facebook app which compiles all your status(es) in a collage. Now, I am a person of many complaints, bitching and moaning all the time, but it dawned upon me that 2009 was a good year after all. To date, I am nowhere near my visions of grandeur of how my life should be, but I am definitely getting there. That's what counts for the most part, I say. I put my foot down on this one. Anyone who exerts their efforts in making their heart's desires a solid reality should get a pat on the back and a free bagel plus coffee.

Kidding aside, this week is perhaps the last stretch - the remainder of the year that has gone by like lightning. For all it's worth, it's time to make it count and finish off strong. (NMRK to all my Buddhist friends out there, you know who you are).

Happy Christmas to everyone and have a blessed New Year!

Using my friend's excuse.

2009-12-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

Excuse the general malaise on this page. I'm throwing the same excuse as my friend, Kari.

*POOF*

Eureka! (the delayed genius)

2009-11-23T00:50:00.000-08:00

12:52 AM, slumped on my bed. Was asleep for the past 5 hours because I had to be at the restaurant for (ooohhh lala!) Jazz Brunch. Luckily, I was grilling outside, so yeah... I got to people watch. The Sunday crowd was typical. Dark sunglasses for those who sat outside at the patio all due to the effects of the previous night's festivities.

The day went by quick. I drove to work with the sun blazing, hurting my sleepy eyes at 7-ish, and when I got off, the sun had retreated to it's pouch somewhere in the sky. I was on autopilot for most of the day. I only lapsed into little three minute snippets of consciousness, and then buzz... back to autopilot.

The only thing worth noting out of these little lightbulbs going on in my head (I confess, it's the only thing I remember!) is when I asked myself, "What would really make you happy, ahora mismo?".

Oui. I had an answer (surprise again!). It involves headphones, piano keys and a drum machine that I haven't touched since ____________.

15 minutes to breathe.

2009-11-05T01:58:00.000-08:00

I had just finished a "satisfactory" (according to my standards) review of Slumdog Millionaire for my film criticism unit. It took me around 2 hours to fashion 4 paragraphs worth of inspired writing to finish this assignment. Not that I'm counting, but lately the obvious lack of chill time has been gnawing at me. It's one thing when you know you're expending your efforts into something worthwhile, but it's also another to actually realize that you have no time left to bullshit and lollygag.

During those moments of personal epiphany, I wish I had the luxury of just curling up into a ball and throwing my favorite blanket over me. I really wish I had 48 hours to wallow in my state of non-ado. But, alas. Yo no tengo mucha suerte ahora.

The brighter side of the picture is that I've learned to just let things go. What else can I do, right? Let the demands of the day crash into me like a 20 foot tidal wave. I'll somehow manage to swim.

And for those times when I feel absolutely depleted, when I can no longer understand myself and all the jibber-jabber lying around in my head starts to come alive to incessantly annoy me, at least I can still hit the mat and do vinyasa.

Yes, yoga will save the world eventually.

Something that nearly brought me to tears.

2009-10-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

I was having one of those days... This morning, I woke up pretty frazzled and disconnected from the rest of the world. I tried to call up my friends, but none of them were picking up (it being a Monday and all...). I couldn't seem to find a way to calm myself down. I felt like I wanted to knock someone's teeth out over the smallest things. Fact of the matter is, I can't even pinpoint what it was that was bothering me.

The strange course of the day led me to expending my energy in washing both of the cars parked in the garage. That, plus I managed to get some writing for my film class in (that was before the clunk-clunk-clunk noise from the washer started to annoy me). It was rough. It felt like the Persian war was going on in my head. The mind static was overwhelming, too overwhelming in fact, that I couldn't clearly convey my thoughts to whomever I was speaking to. Anything that came out of me today could be characterized as "choppy" and disjointed.

I chanted twice and I nodded off during its' course. I found that there were a hundred thousand thoughts swimming in my head, each going off in a different tangent but still spelling out one common thought: there is something wrong with you.

I could not find peace within myself today, and it frightens me to feel helpless.

Is there something wrong with me?

I recognize the fact that I have been unavailable to 'most anything recently. When I wake up, I run with all my might to get the demands of the day under control. Such is the story for the most of us, but the things that I've been doing lately directly affect my future. I feel sad that I won't be able to just get up and leave Las Vegas to celebrate Kari's birthday. I feel equally sad that I won't be able to spend time with my family who are visiting from Manila during Halloween. I feel sad to say that right now, the world must turn without me because my hands are tied and my plate is full. Know this though... the minutes that I have left from my schedule, I cannot even spend on myself. And I promise that if I make it through 'til December, I will take a few weeks off to exercise my God given right to be a normal human being who is capable of spending an afternoon doing absolutely nothing.

Whatever it takes, I have to finish strong this year. I require nothing less than that. It's been an amazing run so far, and although I am nearly out of breath, I am thankful for how the pieces which were once unintelligible beautifully fell into place.

Here is yet another email from my film professor. This is his reply to my Million Dollar Baby commentary:

Oh Louiie,

You get this about as well as anyone can. You see the artistry because you are capable of artistry yourself. Thank you for getting it! It just takes one student to really put it together on paper for me to feel adequate in leading the whole group (even after years of teaching that I sometimes wonder if students are "getting it". In each paragraph I see you gathering Ebert's depth of thought and in doing so making it your own. Bravo!

20/20 or 100/100 mean little to me compared to the abilities you should be able to soon apply to write your own reviews that may equal or better Ebert's. It can be done. I also look forward to reading your final career list.

Erik

Once upon a time, my mom told me that I was a good writer. But like a bad child, I ignored her. I ignored her because I couldn't recognize what was within me. Actually, it scares me a huge deal to see that other people see it too.

They see something that I cannot see when I look at myself. I shake my head, "Such a pity.".

Is there something wrong with me?

Because I actually forgot that I was interesting...

2009-10-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

Midterms. So much has gone by, yet I cannot believe that I am halfway through the semester. It feels like just yesterday I was having episodes of freshman jitters as I drove up to the campus on the first day of school.

While the academic calendar may not apply to YOU (READER), can you agree with me that Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas is just right around the corner? And, if 2009 was embodied as a creature, it would be a friggin' gazelle being chased on the plains by a pack of lions on red bull.

Midterms already. Can you believe it?

They say time flies when you're having fun. It's like that Madonna ditty, Hung Up - "time goes by so slowly for those who wait... those who run seem to have all the fun... lalalalalala.". I know everyone on this side of the hemisphere is always running, as a matter of fact. But is anyone actually having fun? I don't know. Personally, I bitch, moan and complain a lot when I lose sleep over the things I have to do. I mean it's work, school, and other things now, not just school and party. It's a different ball game. Why I didn't take my classes seriously when I was being supported by my parentals is a bafflement to me now. If I could access the younger version of myself, I would slap me silly, "What the F are you doing?!?".

But hey, things become better with age. Juice turns into wine through fermentation. And I guess, over the years, I too have "fermented" (pun intended) in many different ways. I now enjoy bantering with my professors. The subject matter becomes secondary to the learning experience. And now, I know for sure that whatever it is that is handed to me, I can pick up. I don't really have feelings of failing in school because I AUTOMATICALLY TRY.

Wow... I am O-L-D-E-R.

That being established, I actually forgot that I am a being of many comments and opinions. This page alone is a testament to that! (Now go figure how my film commentaries are). I guess people tend to forget things about themselves when they are not maximizing their brain activity (as was I earlier this year). And no, BIG BRAIN ACADEMY ON THE Wii DOESN'T POSE A CONSIDERABLE SOLUTION EITHER.

I am sitting here, having a ball of a good time proofreading this entry despite the many things I still have to do before I turn in. I am freaking lunatic, and it feels really good to laugh at and laud myself at the same time.

~~~~~~~

An email from my film studies professor:

Louiie. Thank you. It is so gratifying to see that someone gets it. You can't imagine how many don't get what I am trying to do. I hope that the other students will be where you are at the end of the week. There is really not much more for me to add. Keep it up. 40/40.

I will say this though -- if you pay attention, turn your work in on time and are interesting, with the right preparation, the right circumstances and some luck you have a shot at making it in Hollywood. You would be surprised how many people fail at those first three elements that you naturally now have.

Also, to answer your question, the next two will be due by Friday night at midnight. The last one will likely be due Sunday night. The final review summary list will be on MILLION DOLLAR BABY. I am about to post it right now on the d board. I look forward to your next three lists!

Nailed that thing! (My 1 minute and 27 seconds of fame)

2009-10-14T00:32:00.000-07:00

A lot of people might be surprised that I'm taking an acting class this fall. Well... it really isn't my field of expertise personally, but I'm willing to walk on all avenues that will lead me to experience new things. Over the last three weeks I've worked really hard on bringing out the character in my little 2 minute monologue. Mine was a bit dramatic. It involved a lot of frustration and anger, unlike the more comical pieces that my classmates were assigned. Not that I lost any sleep over it, don't get me wrong. But I worked on it. I even went so far as to filming myself to see what it would look like from an audience's point of view.

Last night, I stood up in front of my class and rocked it. I'm sure some of you will agree that there is an insurmountable amount of power when you connect with your audience. There's something about looking all these people in the eye without breaking your character. Suddenly you're up there and doing your own thing.

...And it's EASY AS PIE.

I guess the lesson learned here is that when you put yourself into something that you do, it will pay off.

Pacing.

2009-10-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

Fall is finally here.

The last quarter of 2009 is whizzing by, ferocious like a top hurled by the world's greatest strongman. I cannot stop the spin of it all. But I do quite like how everything is a mad blur. Everyday, I turn on the lights and I run.

On some days there is a destination. On some days, there isn't one...

Life feels like a parade of many faces. My eyes are always hungry for all that I have yet to see.

At 3:00 AM, I lay my head down. I've survived another day. Another 24 beautiful hours have been eclipsed by the hands of the clock on the wall to my left.

It's that frantic dance, day after day, that makes me feel more alive than I have ever been in a long time.

Late Night Sunday Thoughts on Shakespeare

2009-09-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

I had to watch REEFER MADNESS at the BackStage Theater for one of my papers in my acting class. I haven't got very much to say about the production as it failed to strike a chord with me. The ensemble pulled their performances off pretty well though. I have to give them a hand for that.

Anyway, the play makes an allusion to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet as sort of a means of underlining the tragedy within the play. As I was sitting in my seat, I thought to myself, "Shakespeare is indeed one compleat literary genius, perhaps the best in the universe!". His work is so universal that eons and light years later, the themes still apply.

The dude is dead but he still rocks my socks off. I just want to know how someone can write something so tragic it translates off as immortally beautiful.

For that, I raise my cup of chamomile tea and honey. I pray that the bard would honor me with a visit and bring along my muse.

Backing it up.

2009-09-24T00:59:00.000-07:00

The following is a late night response from my PHO198B professor regarding an essay that I wrote on the film, LOST IN TRANSLATION:

Hi Louiie,

I happened to be over here on the d board to verify who indeed sent in prelim essays so I thought I would re-read yours and comment. Well it was wonderful. Ordinarily I might wonder if it was best for the class to have so much strong opinion provided to them, however, LIT is a very tricky film and many people just can't get past the obviously slow pace. If a student was serious enough to read your prelim essay it might help them to appreciate the movie more so they too could find greater depth of appreciation that they otherwise would have missed. Thank you so much!

But then there is the rest of your essay where I also saw many of the ideas woven into your final essay. You really put your heart into your work. That is so important if you want to make it in the film business -- because it shows at every level of what you do. If you are in the habit of going beyond the minimum because something inside you says that the minimum is never enough, you are the one that will stand out. You will have better work and happier work, and in this competitive business, that may make the difference between success and failure.

Then again, you could get fired to make room for some exec's ne'er-do-well drop-out nephew! So it goes...

Thanks for working from the heart.

Erik

I haven't responded to this as of yet... but if I had, it would go a little something like:

Dear Mr. Professor,

Thank you for caring enough to take time to read my work. My submitted essays are the result of me waking up from a long period of creative blockage and personal ennui, hence they contain every bit of animation and passion that I could possibly type down between the timeframes of work, school and home life. I appreciate your kind comments very much. It really means something to me for someone to appreciate my work enough to see that I put myself in it.

I hope someday I can make you proud of having taught me in your class.

Louiie

Le Divorce

2009-09-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

I am sad.

I had to separate Eva from Ennio earlier on today because my swimboy's behavior hasn't returned to normal.

It's only been a couple of days, and perhaps I was too hasty or maybe I was just worrying too much that Ennio seems to be under so much stress having a new tankmate. Prior to having Eva, I could hand-feed Ennio and he wouldn't be scared of human contact. Heck! I used to bonk him in the head every morning!

But he hasn't really been that way since Eva moved in.

Tsk, tsk, tsk... he finally has a girlfriend and he gets depressed...

I think I can relate.

1 + 1 makes two.

2009-09-19T01:28:00.001-07:00

Ennio and Eva.

(tankmates by default)

Ennio just turned a month old on the 1st. He's alive, healthy and very happy. I'm glad that we were able to create a balanced ecosystem for our little swimmer to live in. For a while there, mum put a female molly in his bowl as a tankmate. I guess she decided to put the molly in the fountain outside to be with her kindred. That's how Eva found her way to our home.

She's just settling in. I'm a little anxious to see if they'll get along, or if having two goldfish in a bowl will upset the environment.

Altered points of view.

2009-09-11T01:17:00.000-07:00

This is a photo I took while I was meandering in London in 2006.

Around those years, I thought the line "All in all you're just another brick in the wall" simply meant that one's life is just as insignificant as a pile of bricks - one stacking up on top of the other, or even a single fleck of dust for that matter (eventually, we will all get blown away by the wind.)... When set against the backdrop of a much larger perspective (such as the world in general), we are nothing but tiny units trying to make our way amidst the madness. No one particular person is more special than the next. At the time, I must admit that it spoke a particular truth pertaining to me. I even thought it was cool, hardcore, and pretty edgy.

Fast forward to 2009. I posted this here tonight following a sudden urge to find the photo because a lightbulb went off in my head. Out of nowhere, I got to thinking about what the line meant to me now, and I realized that a lot of changes took place during the course of three years.

I now KNOW for a fact that each and every brick that makes up the wall plays a part in holding it up. Each person is a unique token of the world at large. And while there is madness in the struggle to make our way, the beauty of it all is that all our efforts are pieces of a bigger design. Collectively taken, we make up the wall - one unit as a whole. However small we might think of ourselves against the grand plan of life, at the end of the day, it's the little pieces that really count. The wall wouldn't stand like it was supposed to if there were bricks missing from it.

It's the details that we bring into the world that make it so interesting to watch.

I've come around to appreciate how the system works.

And, methinks that I am feeling this way because

I am still chanting.

A little inspiration goes a long way.

2009-09-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

I may bitch and moan a lot. But when I decide to do something, I like to back it up with as much of me that I possibly can.

The Fuzzy Intruder.

2009-09-09T12:59:00.000-07:00

I found this guy in my room after I switched my lights off and turned on my LED booklight. I had hoped to get a Cheshire cat, but my hands aren't that creatively skilled (YET).

I cannot wait to show this to my niece.

The Wall.

2009-09-06T01:30:00.000-07:00

My plate has never been this full. I have been working deadline against deadline for the past week. I am amazed at how much yipyap I've been doing. It's only been over a week since I started school, for crying out loud!

After a recent pick-me upper type of conversation with a good artist friend, I've realized that I am now feeling the edges of the limits that used to define me. If I don't break past my limits, then all my efforts would crumble down and amount to nothing. No change will be attained.

And without change, there wouldn't be movement or progression.

She shared her personal experience she had while scaling a wall. She told me that there was a time where she was dead tired and that she had wanted to give up, but then again she thought: "Why would I quit now?".

And so, WHY WOULD I QUIT NOW? Is there any God given reason why I shouldn't grab the bull by its horns and wrestle it down to the ground? Half the battle's been won already. I'm already in film school taking acting classes and all things artsy this fall.

I have to confess that the thing that I dread the most is for someone to tell me that I don't deserve my talent (aka swagger). If that happens, I might as well crawl under a rock and hide in shame.

BRING IT, I say. I can do this, and beautifully at that.

A Rough Start

2009-09-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

Today should have been one of the most exciting days in my life. I officially start school this morning, and I wanted to have a fresh start. But life, as it always appears less than ideal, threw me a set of obstacles that I wasn't sure I knew how to handle. And as positive I was just yesterday, today was a totally different story.

Due to a recent imbalance and upset in my humble abode, I got into an argument with my mom and I totally lost my composure. I absolutely hate it when that other half of me surfaces. I'm 99% chill most of the time, but when someone (or something) pushes me off the ledge, all hell breaks loose. I have a bad temper. Enough said.

Regrettably, this outward action caused me to lose all the excitement that was welling in my soul for the past few weeks. I wish I could have done something different to better the situation, but all is said and all is done. There is no other recourse but to let it go.

I am inexplicably sad tonight. However "human" or "normal" it is to feel that way after a less than perfect situation, I just can't seem to make myself feel any better.

The effects of Chanting, Perhaps?

2009-08-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

I was drawn into the whole Nichiren Buddhist scene during my stay in New York by a group of friends. The last night of my stay, I cooked dinner for a party of 15 or so happy heads, and we were all downing glasses of Prosecco and Chardonnay. By the time the festivities wound down, I was feeling a slight pounding in my head from the heat and the booze, and this is when I was introduced to chanting. Four of them (Kari, Mica, Rann and Oli) went into Mica's room to chant their evening gongyo and I was lucky enough to be a part of it.

By the time it was over, my head stopped pounding. I didn't consider this as a mystical experience at all. I know very well the positive effects of sound therapy and meditation, being an amateur practicioner. When I feel out of focus, I would usually listen to an instrumental piece of music that's loaded with Theta and Delta wave pulses, and they seem to do the trick for me.

What I didn't know was that I was about to take the practice home with me.

I will not expound so much on the details of Nichiren Buddhism because I'm not quite the expert on it. I'm still a bit of the guinea pig - still trying if the whole thing works out. I know it's too early to report positive results as I've only been chanting for a week. But tonight, I caught myself doing something I wouldn't have thought of doing in a gazillion years (not even the slightest bit!).

Although it may look a tad insane, I'll take my chances and share it anyway.

I caught myself telling this little guy, "I LOVE YOU", and I was possessed by a burning desire to hug the little thing! While we all know it's impossible to hug a fish, but I did it anyway by putting my arms around his 2 gallon fishbowl.

I HUGGED MY PET FISH BECAUSE I WAS TOO HAPPY.

Oh Lord, I think I am losing it.

A letter to a lost love.

2009-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

August 18, 2009

Dear New York,

I am writing this letter to you mostly to apologize that I did not heed your call in 2003. I admit I shamelessly turned my back on you for 'personal' reasons, and, being young and inexperienced as I was, I never paid any attention to the opportunities that you've generously sent my way.

Over the course of the last 6 years, I have constantly shoved you in the back of my mind. I've even gone so far as to classify you as a withered illusion, and that I would be absolutely crazy to give up what I've got going on for myself in glorious Sin City. As much as I reduced you in my head, the truth still stands... I grew more and more afraid of coming to you as I got more comfortable in living my own predictable version of a life.

I've got it made for me - the house, the car, the job, and the perks... but somehow, something was amiss. And the more I try to look for it, the more I got lost along the way. It's true. I'm ashamed to admit it, but the person who stands in my place right now no longer resembles the ME I knew from years ago. It's unbearable for me to not be able to recognize the person that I am, and not even know the things that I love to do. Everyday feels like a blank slate that I write on, yet all these words get erased as I sleep. My days don't allow me to accumulate experiences and I feel empty in the presence of abundance. And this... living like this is the biggest red flag that I've ever seen. I know to live this way isn't right and it would never be justified.

I thought I'd never hear from you again, but apparently, our business remains unsettled. Fate ordered me to come for a week-long stay in the company of good friends. I answered your call not knowing what it would do to me to walk your city streets and experience your pulse firsthand. But YOU did something to me. You shifted my feelings of fear into feelings of courage and hope. You've turned on my internal compass. You've amplified the sound of the little voice that I hear in my head. In the grand and glorious places that I went, and in the amazing people that I met throughout my 7 day stay, I was able to find the little bits and pieces of myself that I've lost along the way. Each piece was a clue as to who I was. And in such a short stay, I was able to figure it out. I found the best version of myself in a crowded apartment in Nostrand Avenue, amongst the company of friends, both old and new. For the first in a very long time, I found that my pockets were full - in it were all the reasons that I needed to go on and live my life as vicariously as I envisioned it.

I found happiness in the smiles of everyone who appreciated the food I lay out, in the empty bottles of Prosecco and Chardonnay, in the endless pile of dishes that needed to be washed, in the thundering sound of the subway, in the humid heat that left me darker than I was a week before, in playing a drunken game of Cranium and Charades, and finally, in the wondrous chanting of a few close Buddhist friends. Although these things may seem pretty mundane, they brought me visions of a life that I would like to have. And in an instant, I am alive again.

Thank you for warmly welcoming me and for having me. In your streets, I felt normal and comfortable to be no one else but me. I confess that I was in love with you for a very long time, and when we finally met, I fell even harder. I probably never will get over you.

All I ask, is that if you would consider me worthy of living in one of your burroughs, please send me a sign that I won't be able to ignore. I am eager to start on our 'unfinished business' - the adventure that I tossed in the back seat a long time ago. You, New York, are my new best friend. Although I have to love you from a distance (FOR NOW), I hope to eventually find my way home to you.

Thanks, once again, for giving me so much to look forward to.

Louiie

It must be love.

2009-08-09T00:12:00.001-07:00

I've had him for as long as I've been in Vegas.

He wakes me up, he bugs me, and constantly shadows me around the house.

I wake him up, I bug him, and I occasionally run after his shadow when he darts out of the house.

I don't mind his queerness.
He doesn't mind my queerness.

I understand what he means when he lets out a half meow.

He understands what I mean when I don't complete my sentences.

I try being a responsible pet owner by purposely feeding him the good stuff for indoor cats.

He tries to be a responsible pet by purposely coughing up a hairball on a book that I was about to give this girl (whom he didn't like).

Everyday, I tell him he's the coolest cat I've ever had.

Everyday, he tells me the same.

A Picture Diary Entry ~ 8.8.09

2009-08-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

WARNING:
This may cause FOOD ENVY.

I started my day off like this:

A little sour, a little funky, a tad wrinkly and strange.

THE UGLIEST LEMON I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

How the hell did this guy make it to my fridge?

~~~~~~~

And everything was going downhill, until...

I decided to test drive the brand new Weber grill I inherited from my Uncle.

~~~~~~~

I busted out my knife and started making MAGIC.

Well... not really MAGIC. This is a detailed view of the mango salsa I paired up with some pork that I was marinating.

~~~~~~~

So I put the pork on the grill and I thought... "It'd be such a shame to waste one fabulous afternoon.".

So I set up the hammock that I bought a few weeks ago and took a little cat nap while waiting for dinner to get done.

~~~~~~~

At this point, everything was going splendidly that I just had to do a self-photo to commemorate the occasion.

~ ;) ~

~~~~~~~

I got a little hungry after that so I decided to make myself something to eat while I do my little 'cook and lounge while you're at it' act.

Croissant with strawberry preserve and butter, sliced fresh kiwi on the side.

~~~~~~~

About 3 cat naps later, dinner was ready and waiting.

Lemongrass Pork Chops, hot off the barbie.

~ Life is good. :) ~

The fish with 2 names.

2009-08-06T15:30:00.001-07:00

I named him Ennio (after Ennio Morricone, the great Hollywood soundtrack composer) for a couple of days before my Mom took over his tank-keeping duties. Now he's being called WALL-E because she thinks it's cute and also because she eventually would like to buy him a tank mate and name her EVA.

I wouldn't be surprised if this fish develops a case of multiple identities.

RED

2009-08-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Results for my blood exam came back today, and it was one that kind of worried me. The doctor's office phoned me and the girl on the other end of the line told me that I had a low red blood cell count (which could mean so many things, including Anemia).

BUT I CHECKED THE VIAL AND WHATEVER THAT WAS COLLECTED IN IT WAS RED!

Apparently, what weighs the most is what cannot be seen with the naked eye.

"We have to do your CBC again.".

Another poke, another worry.

Tiny, Silent, but MIGHTY.

2009-08-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

The night I got my goldfish, I was so excited to take him home and set up his fish bowl that I FORGOT TO BUY FISH FOOD. When my mom found out, she immediately gave me the Holy Jesus proper on how she can't believe some people would actually want pets and not give them their 100%.

But ma... I FORGOT!

To make up for my carelessness, the next day (after being ass-whooped in the kitchen) I trotted my weary person over to Wal-Mart to buy the fish goodies. Nevermind that it was sooooo late in the evening and that I was going to sleep less than 4 hours because I had to work brunch in the morning... I can't come home to a hungry fish and not have anything to feed it.

It's amazing how a tiny 2-inch fish with a 4 second memory (supposedly) could sway someone over a thousand times it's size to make that extra effort to get him fed and happy.

The Swimmer

2009-08-01T14:01:00.001-07:00

Here's a little glimpse of the newest addition to our household.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LOUIIE?

2009-07-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

I came back from San Francisco with a couple of things in tow: a brand new drive belt system for my car, mini-mooncakes from Daly City, another charcoal grill to add to my cooking repertoire, and a pain in my abdomen in the lower left region.

Needless to say, I had to get it checked right away. This week's been full of doctor appointments and lab tests. I feel like my body's undergoing an overhaul from all the procedures. I have to take it easy for a couple of days... meaning no biking, no running or whatever. At this point, gentle yoga is even considered pushing it (but I'm doing it anyway, otherwise I would go insane).

I had to get my bloodwork done yesterday. In spite of my worry of the countless bad scenarios that this little symptom could equate to, a plus came out of it...

Lab girl: "You have nice veins.".

Should I consider that a compliment?

Happy Birthday Mum!

2009-07-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

My hero turned 68 today.

She's alive, kicking and happier than ever.

Mum's ABSOLUTELY the BEST.

Recent and not so recent thoughts and events that need to be pinned down.

2009-07-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

With that being said, I hope I will find the time to blog. My life is just hectic at the moment. Don't get me wrong, everything is PEACHY. It's just that there's a long list of "to-do's" and I never can quite find the time to fulfill them all.

Here are things that I may have forgotten to mention while my head was stuck in the sand:

1.) The superior that I was ranting about... well, he's moved on to a bigger and better room at the Encore. Wahey! My new boss is the shiet. He's inventive and he actually has people skills. I think I might stay at my job a wee bit longer than I planned.

2.) It's official: I am going to New York to visit Kari and Kelly. Girls, prepare...

3.) I am also entertaining the thought of going back to school. For what? Only a choice few can tell. For the meantime, I will leave this topic in the air with suspense. ;)

4.) My brother is amusing me with his late night phone calls regarding lenses for the SLR that I gave him. His passions are unfolding and I am quite excited to work with him soon.

5.) I have the cutest niece in the world. I am bummed that I am missing out on her growing up and all that. I miss her terribly. Plus, I miss cooking for her older sister, Hannah... These little girls mean the world to me.

6.) I never thought I could NOT like a Harry Potter movie until I saw the last one.

7.) Will someone send me tickets to Wicked? I want to see the play before the summer ends.

8.) I am nearly done with my creative rehab program. Only a month more to go!

9.) I haven't been cooking much at home lately. I haven't been eating much as well, and this is perhaps why you don't see any scrumptious pictures posted anywhere.

10.) My schedule's all funky. My thought patterns are like Koi swimming in a pond. They won't keep still! ADD perhaps?

P.S. I have abandoned the 365 project that I attempted to do.

I seriously need to compartmentalize my life.

Bring it...

2009-07-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

This is in conjunction with my previous post.

Last Friday, my pen ran out of ink.

(what means this?!?)

Bring it on!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

2009-07-09T01:10:00.000-07:00

Thursday last week:

I set up a desk facing my windows, brushed off the dust off my Aunt's circa 1970's typewriter, got a ream of fresh and crisp white paper, and started typing...

After almost finishing a page, the ribbon runs out. I couldn't even type the last word. I HAD TO FREAKING SCRIBBLE IT IN.

Such luck. No one carries typewriter ribbon anymore and I am forced to special order the damn item if I wished to carry on with my poetry. Such luck indeed.

Wednesday (a little while ago).

After relocating my creative efforts over to my studio PC, I was eager to print out my writing for the week.

Bought a twin pack of ink and brought over the ream of paper from my room. For the first three pages, it worked wonderfully. Until...

MY PRINTER LIGHTS START BLINKING AND ERROR MESSAGES STARTED TO POP UP ON MY SCREEN.

I installed the second cartridge. Wow! It's totally genius that I bought two!

I click on PRINT, and a bunch of little squiggles appear on my paper. None of them resemble the document I wanted to print out.

Then I tried to troubleshoot until I was almost late for work.

Alas.

Is this your way of trying to teach me about patience?

A Page Upon A Page.

2009-07-08T00:12:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been spending more time writing on my morning pages as part of my creative recovery program under The Artist's Way. I'm currently on my fifth week, which means that I have accumulated 35 days worth of three page stream of consciousness writing which I do first thing in the morning. All in all, that's about 105 handwritten pages of ups, downs, in betweens, rants, raves, ideas, regrets and so on. 105 pages, man... I would have had half a novel in my hands right now if I were working towards an integrated theme. But no... the reality of it all is that I'm unraveling my knots and dealing with the issues that plague my work.

I am BLOCKED. That was perhaps the hardest thing I have had to admit to myself. I haven't written anything substantial for over a year now, and I've put my music project on hold because of this "issue".

For the past year, I felt like dead weight to the world due to the fact that I haven't created something. I began to feel what it's like to be stuck, which really frustrates me. I let that much amount of time slip by without so much as putting together a poem, a tune, or even a measly line that is directly related to my personal projects. I could beat myself up some more, but somehow I find it futile. There is no other recourse left other than to forgive myself for the time I lost in ennui.

And time is precious.

The absolutely brilliant thing about morning pages and stream of consciousness writing is that when you want to know something, all you have to do is ask and whatever it is will be answered (surprisingly by your own hand). It also points out recurring issues that need to be dealt with. If forces you to be in the moment. It directs your mind to where it needs to be. It has taught me a thing or two about self reliance and other things about myself I would have never understood if I didn't pore over the matter.

It definitely brought me closer to ME.

This morning, I had to ask myself what the payoff for staying blocked is. The answer (in my own handwriting) is below:

If you want to go NOWHERE, then keep doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I cannot believe I just found out that simple truth today.

a little deprivation to raise consciousness.

2009-06-23T23:23:00.000-07:00

I'm in week 4 of the Artist's Way. It's a 12 week "rehab" program for artists who want to resolve their creative blocks. I haven't told everybody that I'm on it, except for a choice few.

I'm starting a week long deprivation exercise to purge my brain of all the media I've loaded it with. That's right... no reading, music, surfing the net, YM-ing, watching movies or anything of that sort. At the rate it's going, I might as well abstain from the cigarettes too.

Sometimes one needs to simply tune out from the world to better hear the little voice from within. Perhaps I need to do just that. I'm praying I don't go clinically INSANE this week.

So, without further ado... Ciao cyberspace!

I'm headed off to face 7 days of fuzz free silence.

Two-timer.

2009-06-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

I am... career-wise, anyway.

I realized this after having a "moment" while at work today. Amidst the pots and pans sizzling and with my mise en place being put in their rightful place for this evening's service, in the back of my mind I was thinking about music (the other pursuit). I found myself GUILTY of cheating on the work that stood before me - the glorious, picture perfect food that had to be impeccably delivered to our guests tonight. Instead, I was daydreaming about giving birth to a three chord song that had snippets of words as lyrics and without a hint of a title just as of yet.

While I had one thing I thoroughly loved and enjoyed, I am thinking of the other. All would be well, if I had loved one craft a little less than the other. But the dilemma is this: I am in love with them both, quite tenderly and wholeheartedly. If these two lines of work were women, I would be deserving of a good slapping from both parties.

Why, mother... can't I have my cake and eat it too?

~to be continued~

Fighting With My Dinner

2009-06-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

When seafood is concerned, there is only one acceptable way to cook it... COOK IT LIVE. No if's and but's. L-I-V-E is the word to remember.

And boy, my Monday dinner plans got a bit more L-I-V-E-L-Y than expected when this guy jumped out of the bag.

I had to fight off this villain to have a scrumptious dinner. Look at those claws.

"Come any closer and you can kiss your iPhone away, Toots!".

It's generally a bad idea to leave any electronic devices near the stove or on a busy kitchen counter, as this photo demonstrates.

Anyway, I got him and his other buddies in a steamer pot with a bit of lemons and salt. Alas for the furious five!

And in 15 minutes... Voila!

I guess the fight's over. So much for being on top of the food chain. Hehehehe!

blog, blog, blog...

2009-06-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

...o neglected blog! *singing Pavarotti style*

I had the most hectic week imaginable. Hectic, yes, but very well worth all the energy I spent. I kicked last weekend off with a trip to SLC Utah to watch one of my childhood heroes (yet again) ~ NO DOUBT. The concert was AMAZING. Two younger bands opened up for Gwen and the peeps, and they were The Sounds and Paramore. Both were fronted by the most kick-ass, awesome, rocking frontwomen I've ever witnessed onstage. That evening was a triple dose of power-chick action. Because of that, I revel in my new found love for Caucasian chicks who can rock the mic with all their might.

Gwen Stefani is definitely a pop icon, PERIOD.

I went with my beloved white boy and forever concert buddy, Alex Hagstrom, who was leaving for Cape Cod later that week in pursuit of other blessed career opportunities. It seemed to me that I was losing all my close friends to the East Coast (as Kelly was also leaving for NYC that same week). This migration trend is baffling me. What is it about the East Coast that is luring all my wonderful friends? I'm afraid that I already know the answer, and it will only be a matter of time 'til I realize the fact that I gotta do what I gotta do. But until then, allow me to sit with my state of denial a bit longer (and I assure you, it will not be that long).

When I got back from SLC, I had to do a hurried shoot of my P7D post for the PRECIPICE cycle. By hurried, I mean hurried with a truncated time schedule. I came back on a Tuesday and this thing would have had to be done by Thursday evening at the latest. As usual, I had to do with what I had, so I am quite frustrated with not having coherent content. But before I bitch on, let me just say that the whole experience pointed out two significant things: 1) I was amazed at how quickly my editing skills are coming to a sheen despite the fact that I have a generic program. and 2) It seems to me that the editing process bypasses my ADD. I realized that I like editing movies and would also like to get into the business. So there, I vocalized it. Done and done.

Now, on with the bitching. The next time I am due to post on P7D, I want to work with a damn storyboard. Jeezus! I want my work to have a spine for once and not be under pressure (but then again, it's also the time constraint that gets all artists' creative juices flowing). The bottomline is: I would like my work to have conscious focus. That is my next goal.

Another strange thing happened to me this week. I started hearing phantom tunes in my head, which means it's finally time to pick up that digital recorder and write songs. These tunes are fleeting. If I don't get them down, they'll forever be lost. I've lost many a riff and a line by saying that, "Yeah... I'll remember that progression or I'll remember that line because I came up with it.". Oh my, how the creative mind is tricky... when it's on, it's ON. The muse is like another person who just prods you to hum, write or do whatever it is that needs to get done. More often than not, you - the artist, will not be able to keep up with the surge of ideas and remember all the nice details. The lesson here is: Don't be caught without a pen when your ideas strike. Save your time and effort. Get it down. Get it down. Get it down.

I'll close this entry by sharing this belief of mine. I believe that the most interesting conversations lie between the drunk and the sleepy. Just don't question it. Sometimes, drunken and fatigued talks are more sincere than everyday small talk. This week, I was blessed with an opportunity to answer a striking question which shed some light on a little truth about myself. Take note, I answered this without flinching. And it goes a little something like...

"When was your first failure?"

"It was at hopscotch. I was 5 years old. I badly wanted to play with the kids on the street but I didn't know how, so I never exerted the effort to learn it and I walked away.".

"But that isn't a failure.".

"It is. I carried that habit with me to adulthood. I tend to walk away from things that I don't understand off the bat, even if I wanted them badly.".

And now I know how my ego was born.

Zees leetle pyggie.

2009-05-18T23:07:00.000-07:00

I found this guy over at World Market two Sundays ago when I was buying a potting bench for my Mum for Mother's Day. Oh my... I've had an affinity with a few pigs in this lifetime (a couple of piggy banks and the faceless salt pig sitting on my kitchen counter, that one which my friend from NY covets). But this one takes the cake. It was love at first sight. I just had to have this porker. Though at the time, I had to resist the urge to buy him and take him home with me as I knew my that I wouldn't have the time in my hands to use him and properly break him in. I was mildly heartbroken when I left him in the store that day. :(

Yesterday, I decided to end my week long pig-obsession, swine-cyberstalking and telling my Mum how great an addition to her garden this little guy would be. I went back to the store after work for my weekly gourmet food and equipment retail therapy and picked him up. Yes! Together at last... I could hardly contain my excitement as I drove home and found myself daydreaming delicious thoughts. It made my mouth water with anticipation.

But, what is zees lyttle pygg anyway?

I present...

Tadah! Kari (pronounced Carrie, with a NY twang, because this is also one hilarious inside joke), the cutest and latest addition to my kitchen. It's a Terracotta grill in the shape of a pig, can only grill two steaks at a time and can sit comfortably on an average tabletop. It's absolutely perfect for grilling those little Asian street treats on a stick which I would devour with a passion when I'm vacationing in the Far East. It uses charcoal, which is an additional plus for that smoky flavor.

I have a gas grill which I rarely use. I find it too big for the volume of food that I cook at home. That also means gargantuan grill = gargantuan mess = gargantuan clean up action. It's a no go for a meal for two.

And this here is Kari working real hard to get my Chicken BBQ dinner cooked to perfection. Hehehe!

All in all, this is the best $25 I spent since I came back from vacation. Zees lyttle pyggie rocks my culinary socks and I'm loving it!

sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?

2009-05-11T12:44:00.000-07:00

I woke up to a very interesting start this morning. I generally don't go dreaming when I sleep and if I do, I don't remember anything for what it's worth. At around 9AM, I woke up from vivid scenery in my head which involves the process of getting married to an old flame (someone I haven't seen in close to 7 years). I remember making arrangements, meeting up with her family, and driving around in a red car with tan interior trying to look for a venue. When I asked my *eherm* fictitious fiancee when the big date was, her answer was: "Either this Thursday or Friday before we leave for the US." Talk about being hasty.

This made my stomach churn... and ZAP! I woke up.

But wait... I ain't finished yet. What happened next tops the cake.

A few moments after I opened my eyes, my mom walks into my room handing me the current issue of Oprah Magazine. "Read this article on pre-nups. It's nice to know how to protect your assets.". Oh how she drives that nail in!

So my question is: was I dreaming? Or am I actually getting married in another life in a parallel dimension?

*Twilight Zone intro playing here please.*

The Prologue ~ (I was despicably wrong when I said I wouldn't be caught dead in a sombrero.)

2009-05-09T02:15:00.000-07:00

Try as I might, I could never sum up my recent Manila encounters in the way of a travelogue, as I feel that it would rob my whole experience of its essence. Every April, I usually travel alone and under my own itinerary (which comprises of this formula: sleep +wake up+ be a complete tourist and take too many photos +have dinner and drinks+ be a happy idiot and have one too many to drink for the night = POOF! the uncanny and magical starts to happen.). This year, circumstances led me to set my eherm, self-serving travel plans in exchange for something I should have done a long time ago, but I regrettably haven't. On the 6th of April, I flew from Las Vegas to San Francisco, to Taipei, and eventually landed in Manila because my family demands that I be there for my second niece's Christening.

And this I did with my Mum in tow.
(Distress signals here please.).

And NO, it isn't because I don't get along with my Mom. I DO. It's surreal to have a mother that understands my lifestyle choices and approves of it, encouraging me to become the best individual that I could become. I keep no secrets about my meanderings from my Mum. I tell her everything (and I mean EVERYTHING, even stuff she doesn't want to hear. *chuckle*). And it also isn't because I didn't want to travel with her and get shacked up with the rest of my flock for 3 long weeks.

It was because I was coming home to the role of a daughter, a sister, and in many instances, as an aunt. And assuming those titles scare the shit out of me. Why? Because it requires me to up the ante and conduct myself in a proper manner for absolute fear that my 10 year old niece would pick up on all the cuss words in my vocabulary. And mind you, it baffles me how much this young kid adores me. I can tell you this much... I may be brilliant but I sure am no role model by my standards. And knowing this, it terrifies me to have such a young soul - open to influence and seeking guideposts, looking up to...

(drumroll please.)

ME.

And so, because life necessitates it, I abandoned my evil schemes of hedony, rest and relaxation in favor of something totally new. I spent three weeks at our residence in Manila mostly with the people closest to my heart - the very same people who witnessed my flights, my dives, and everything in between. I gave them my time and my presence - the best and worst bits (mostly the best, I hope), something I'm not used to doing for anyone or anything except for work and other "worthy" pursuits.

If I was a kid and didn't know any better, I would swear that being shacked up with these folks would absolutely drive me nuts. But this time around, it didn't. Three weeks actually went by quick. It was as if hello and goodbye were only separated by slivers of time.

Experience and time manages to teach us all thing or two about togetherness. And to me, that is a lesson worth digesting, as I would trade the world to be living in close proximity to these people again. I'd do anything to make these people happy. And when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING. Comprende?

Anything and everything... Even if it means I have to wear a hokey sombrero.

~operations temporarily suspended~

2009-04-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

Watch this space. I'm going to reformat the program *SOON.

* after I settle down post vacation mode.

STEP 1: identify the problem (a.k.a. the day when nothing turned out right)

2009-03-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

This post will interrupt the theme that's been going on in my blog. However, when I do find the time, today's entry will eventually file into the sequence of daily photos that I've been using to keep track of the things going on around me. For now, I am going to forget the fact that this somehow doesn't tie in with everything else. I am simply going to ignore the obtrusion because THIS HAS TO BE WRITTEN TONIGHT.

I am running out of excuses to myself as to why I am so insistent in staying under the tutelage of my boss. I feel like an unruly senior class man - eager to blast out of school into the real world after four years of repeatedly doing the same thing over and over again whilst staying put in the same spot. Even after developing a steady hand and a keen eye, perfecting my craft, putting in an extra hour of work each day without any extra compensation, I am dumbfounded as to why I am being treated like a fucking idiot who doesn't know what the fuck it is I'm doing. I keep telling myself that it would be a stupid thing to do to swing from vine to vine during these tricky economic times, but even that fact doesn't seem to frighten me anymore. My patience is wearing off with each and every single "non-constructive" attack that my superior throws my way every dinner service. When the company decided to cut back on staff, the hot line guys didn't suffer as much... Instead, my boss decided to cut back on garde manger, leaving me to cover all loose ends - a task that I haven't been complaining much about, but when push comes to shove and it all boils down to my boss nitpicking on the best job that I could possibly crank out of myself, oh God help me... this is where I draw the fucking line.

I wonder if he knows how smoothly the operation runs (and how happy everybody is) when he is not in the kitchen. I wonder if he knows if he's being such a big burden to everyone instead of leading his team to success. I come from a school of thinking that everyone should set the other up to be successful, but somehow, I do not feel this happening with my "mentor". It is heartbreaking for me to have spent four agonizing years in this kitchen while not being able to learn anything new. I have done nothing but bullshit along the way, and I'm a little ashamed to admit that I have now become the person that I never dreamed of becoming... Everyday at 3 PM, I put on that chef's jacket and the minute that crisp white collar hits the back of my neck, I shut out my life and every ounce of creativity that I stand for. Even if I know I absolutely dislike my job, I am stuck in this rut all because the job pays me well... But I feel that the time is actually coming - when the money is not going to be enough to keep my mouth shut from screaming. If I do not do anything about this, I will walk out. I feel it.

Every single day, I get into that kitchen and work my ass off without any validation whatsoever. Of all my bosses, this guy is the only one who isn't a fan of my work. I am no longer surprised why I am trying to get out of the business. It is because of this fear I have that all the other culinary jobs would be just like this. Now wouldn't that be an unfathomable picture of career hell?

Somewhere inside of me, in my place of Zen (I can only reach this quitetude during my yoga practice), I know that I am still in love with food and everything in between. I am crossing my fingers that I will never forget how this passionate love affair began in spite of how vacant I feel when I am at work.

Chef, I do not enjoy working for you anymore... it's been a long time since I last felt happy in your company. And please do not tell me that mashed potatoes don't take pepper in them. It makes you look like you don't know what you're saying.

I guess the resolution to this entry will probably wait until I get back from Manila. I have many things sitting on my mind right now, and on top of that list is meeting my new niece, Hailey. For now, I am shoving my dissatisfaction aside for better and more important things.

i see the light.

2009-03-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week of pleading that I get my time off in April, and today I finally got the green light to book my trip. Many thanks to Mr. Jack Bruning who painstakingly made the schedules in advance to see whether I could be spared from work during that month. I owe this guy bundles and bundles of souvenirs from my travels.

I am relieved that I found a decently priced flight to Manila on the dates I am scheduled off. Instead of coming out of Las Vegas, I will be headed to SFO (my hometown) to fly out of their airport. Does anyone want me to send regards to some people that we've left behind in the city?

what is it really?

2009-03-13T02:27:00.000-07:00

Thumbs up or thumbs down? I have less than 13 days before I would like to take a leave to go out of the country to do some business and some much needed R&R, but I can't seem to get a straight answer out of my superiors. I haven't booked a flight yet, and I bet it's going to cost me an arm and a leg to book at the 99th hour.

NEED TO GO. :(

The Tower

2009-03-12T02:18:00.000-07:00

Okay... So it's posting time. Sadly, my thoughts didn't come together as I hoped it would. Here's my piece, The Tower (which is named after the Tarot Card that Kari pulled up for me in that phone call I recorded). I pulled this one out of my back pocket, and although it's a bit lackluster in terms of the theme, I'm happy I was able to make something out of randomness. I guess I am finally on top of this artmaking horse. Wahey!

Also, can someone tell me why my internet connection bogs down whenever I am scheduled to post? This has happened to me more than thrice! This technical bug is giving me a headache and a half. Need to find plausible solutions soon.

Talk to Her

2009-03-11T02:06:00.000-07:00

Been indulgent on watching my favorite subtitled movies. I busted out a Pedro Almodovar marathon and watching his movies made me want to pack my life up and move to Spain. There's something about that place, I tell ya... maybe I'll live there one day... soon.

I'm planning to use one of Almodovar's characters (Alicia Ronceros) in my upcoming P7D post. In Talk to Her, she is a girl who's been ina coma for four years... The film's synopsis was terribly right when it said that of all the characters, hers is the least developed and I feel like there is much more to say about her persona outside of the movie. In an attempt to link her state to TEMPERANCE (which is my assigned theme), I'm going to try hard to do some character development tonight.

48 hours and nothing solid yet. Will my thoughts gel in time?

little red

2009-03-10T01:57:00.000-07:00

I made it a point to pick this little thingy up for my birthday. I always seem to have a hard time during pre-production and composing music because ideas seem to hit me at such inopportune times. By the time I get to sit down and open my ProTools, all the little hooks and choruses in my head would have gone away as I try to remember how the tunes go. It's a vicious cycle - one that has kept me stuck on not being to write music prolifically. With the help of this digital recording device, I'll hopefully be able to capture my ideas whenever they come.

I'll be using this gadget for my upcoming post on P7D. I recorded a phone conversation that Kari and I had and I'm planning to hack up the words into little audio tidbits. Wish me luck! I have less than 72 hours to make art out of nothing.

BINGO!

2009-03-09T01:48:00.000-07:00

Today was the only day I could get some "ME" time... After kicking back, Kelly calls me to tell me she'll be returning home from Florida because her project's been cancelled. I told her that I woke up with an urge to play BINGO, and so we went after her flight touched down.

Guess who actually had to shout BINGO and steal candy from them senior citizens on a Monday night? ;)

Pop rocks, gatorade, and REAL D.

2009-03-08T01:42:00.000-08:00

This is me fooling around the candy aisle at the corner gas station. Kelly and I decided to make something out of Sunday and headed out to do random things such as buy POP ROCKS and chew on them while drinking Gatorade and driving (how out there is that?!?). Then we wrapped things up by watching Coraline in 3D. Goddamn! Neil Gaiman is the bomb!

Happy Birthday to ME.

2009-03-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

Here's the highlight of my day. I had brunch with the fam bam (Kelly and Mum) before going to work. In light of my recent fitness program, mum decided to get me a carrot cake for my birthday. Teehee!

Later on, Kelly would be celebrating my birthday without me. I gave her the license to do so because I was too tired to do anything over spectacular after service on Saturday night.

eleven things i hate about you.

2009-03-06T01:18:00.000-08:00

When Michelangelo started making the masterpiece - David, out of the giant slab of marble, he already saw David inside. All he had to do was chip away the pieces that weren't David.

We'll call it a pre-birthday ritual for the absolute lack of a concrete term for it. I read this somewhere... it's an exercise which requires that you write down ten things you'd like to change in yourself for the coming year (in my case, I had eleven sheets of paper so I had an extra bad habit to burn). After having written down your resolutions, you take it to the fire, and then they are gone forever.

I did this tonight... on the eve of my natal day. I could not think of a better way to start off my 28th year other than to make resolutions and pray that I keep them. For self-improvement? Nah! Not neccessarily so.... For me, it's an effort to bring more quality into my life - the kind that I've always wanted and longed for.

Throughout the year, I most probably will be looking back into this page to review my progress because this 'ere post is one of my time capsules. It's the fork in the road I tread in which I have to choose which way I would like to go. What we are is shaped and governed by the choices that we make, I believe... I'm not concerned whether I veer towards wrong or right. What I am concerned about is going for the more interesting choice - the road less travelled.

And so, if you will ask me if my birthday started out great... the answer would undoubtedly be "YES". Yes, because I was enveloped by the smell of incense from the pine cones residing in my fire bowl and also because I am finally free from my personal sins from last year.

the underlying reasons.

2009-03-05T02:04:00.000-08:00

Why did I dye my hair blue? Well, for starters, I was getting a kick ass haircut with a new stylist, and she and I both got excited at the prospect of funktifying the 'do. And so the rest is history. (Or so, you all think!).

If I can bear this and grin at the same time, maybe... just maybe, I'll be ready to get a tatt soon. I'm really using the hair as a springboard for higher purposes. *wink*

deadly indigo

2009-03-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

See that awful purple stripe on my cheek? That's the blue dye leaching out of my head onto my face.

Note to self: Try not to work out after you have your hair done.

A spanking good movie with a spanking good soundtrack.

2009-03-03T01:48:00.000-08:00

Following my urge to listen to Colorblind by the Counting Crows, I impart these winning lines from that specific scene in this movie:

"I'm impressed.".

"Well, I'm in love.".

the mathematics of awesome shoes.

2009-03-02T01:43:00.000-08:00

2 pairs for $35 = impulse buying at its best.

switch that lightbulb on.

2009-03-01T01:36:00.000-08:00

A co-worker gave this to me...

...but my boss thinks I don't need it.

snackies.

2009-02-28T01:32:00.000-08:00

I was desperate for a quick munch after my morning yoga, and this is the only thing my "higher self" would allow me to eat. Sheesh!

taxi.

2009-02-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, I own a pair of bright yellow shoes that I use daily when I go running.

activate your prefrontal cortex.

2009-02-26T01:22:00.000-08:00

I got lost for a couple of hours fiddling with my DS.

Video games are a big bunch of happy happy joy joy!

take away my breaks and aches.

2009-02-25T01:18:00.000-08:00

Here's something that actually works. I noticed that I was getting a little tighter around my lower areas and this seemed to loosen everything up. For $15, the relief can't be beat.

breakfast of (Asian) champions

2009-02-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

SOBA.

SHITAKE.

BABY BOK CHOY.

CENTURY EGG.

HAPPINESS AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF FILMING MATERIAL FOR A MUSIC VIDEO.

to see what the fuss is all about.

2009-02-23T00:59:00.000-08:00

I just had to see this on the big screen. I've long been a fan of Danny Boyle and Trainspotting (it's one of my coming of age films). What can I say? The man makes pure magic in his cinematography.

However, did it deserve the accolades it garnered last night from the Oscars?

Yes, for sure.

In this slump we've all been feeling, a dose of positivity and light is exactly what we need.

i simply can't think of anything better.

2009-02-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

I had to work brunch today. The pro's of that is that I get to start off my day early and I also get to see what this city I live in looks like in the daytime. However, the downs outweigh the pro's and at 6PM, I am left with no better ideas than to sleep the rest of the day away.

I want to get plastered on this bed for 12 hours at least.

yoga saves the world.

2009-02-21T02:25:00.000-08:00

My alternative to strength training.

Surprisingly, I did this whole routine perfectly even if I was butt tired from work.

I won't be surprised if I wake up all nice and achy tomorrow morning.

farewell parties are the best.

2009-02-20T00:46:00.000-08:00

Driving home, happy hardcore drunk (from Jason's sendoff @ Stoney's).

Not proud of it.

I'M UNBELIEVABLE.
(and cut off at that!)

a late night conversation

2009-02-19T00:40:00.000-08:00

blueray_7: you remember?
dikka18: kudos to that memory of yours
blueray_7: I remember a lot of things
blueray_7: anyway
blueray_7: I'm not talking to you because I want you to unblock me
blueray_7: that's my burden
blueray_7: it's that open door I have to walk myself through
blueray_7: no one else can do that for me
dikka18: :) but id definitely feel good should i be able to help you with that
dikka18: yeh
dikka18: thats the thing
blueray_7: well
blueray_7: feel good already
blueray_7: I find comfort in the fact that I can talk about it with you
dikka18: thats good
dikka18: :)
dikka18: im listening
blueray_7: although I'm a bit shamed sometimes
dikka18: with that?
dikka18: you shouldnt be
blueray_7: coz it feels like I'm a spotted cow
dikka18: i believe every artist goes through that phase
blueray_7: and everyone thinks I can produce milk
blueray_7: but I can't
blueray_7: but I'm still grazing
blueray_7: all the while questioning my existence as a cow
blueray_7: condemning it on some days
dikka18: stop taking things too harsh
dikka18: cmon
dikka18: relax
dikka18: :)
blueray_7: "oh I wish I wasn't a cow so I wouldn't have to squirt milk!"
blueray_7: only to find that it comes natural to other cows
blueray_7: this making me even more paranoid
blueray_7: that I want to give up my spots and trade them for stripes instead
blueray_7: so I can live under the breath of a lie as a zebra
dikka18: oh thats beautiful !
blueray_7: and remain unhappy for the rest of my life!
dikka18: what a brilliant reflection
dikka18: i like it
dikka18: put it in your blog !

(this is me) sans the bullshit.

2009-02-18T02:48:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months spent in silence and unblocking, I am lucky to be gifted with clarity and peace of mind. Perhaps this realization would be a trite one for the majority, but to me, it's pivotal and worth mentioning.

There is a certain sweetness in finding out that one's greatest asset is none other than one's self.

P.S. Kelly, thanks very much for the photo. It moved me.

battle of the wordsmiths

2009-02-17T02:37:00.000-08:00

Senior vs. Junior

This is what the board looked like after an hour of playing SCRABBLE with mum while watching Sex and the City in the background.

P.S. I swear she likes Samantha.

KUM-WHAT?!?

2009-02-16T02:30:00.000-08:00

A Kumquat - perhaps the tiniest orange I've ever come across in my culinary lifetime. This baby is the citrus equivalent of those Chinese White Rabbit candies (you eat it with the skin on).

I was delighted to have scored a pound of these for my own enjoyment.

the second coolest couple i know.

2009-02-15T02:23:00.000-08:00

Kelly and Kyle saying their temporary goodbyes at the airport.

These two are a perfect example of East Coast loves West Coast, hell or high water it will work if you both want it to.

it's official... I have the coolest mum in the world.

2009-02-14T02:18:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day 2009

Mum hands me over a napkin with a girl's name and number on it.

my only reward

2009-02-13T03:30:00.000-08:00

When I find myself "burning the midnight oil" for the sake of catch-up, playing music, writing, or making art; a perfectly brewed cup of tea becomes my sole companion and my only reward.

And yes, I realize that I am weirder than most because I drink dried up flowers.

kicking it.

2009-02-12T03:24:00.000-08:00

With the folks.

This photo is a prelude to a night of beer, dancing, and karaoke.

(I never actually thought my mum would do so well in interpretative dance.).

the muse returns.

2009-02-11T03:06:00.000-08:00

The house - completely still at 7 am...
...and I was left without any sleep.

You ~ still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin.

what would you do?

2009-02-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

...when your washing machine has a mind of its own, starts to walk about the laundry room, and shuts the door on you?

ME time.

2009-02-09T02:45:00.000-08:00

A rather hokey picture of me during the very rare occasions that I get to spend reading a good book.

MUST BEAT ADD! MUST FINISH READING!

kung heiiiii!

2009-02-08T02:31:00.000-08:00

Chinatown ~ the Chinese New Year Festival
(aka the Asian food festival that failed to impress me.)

Oh well, at least I got to see the Dragon Dance and the Polynesian hula. ;)

the inner workings of sound.

2009-02-07T02:13:00.000-08:00

Piano guts. (Needs tweaking and tuning).

The upright that I inherited from my aunt arrived today.

ditching. (I should really be doing something else but, at the moment I shall not.)

2009-02-06T01:57:00.000-08:00

Some nights can only be justified by a round of meaningful conversation and certain quintessential particulars that aid the bonding process between good friends.

the brodown

2009-02-05T02:33:00.000-08:00

Brodown (definition taken from urbandictionary.com)

n. Boys night out. As in a Hodown, but with your bros.
Sorry baby, it's a brodown tonight.

Kept throwing gutter balls in the lane. I can't bowl for shiet, drunk or not, PERIOD.

a very strange urge.

2009-02-04T02:58:00.000-08:00

After a very lengthy morning shower, I had the urge to listen to a little old school Jacko. I flipped through my iPod and, voila! I found myself bopping my head to this song. I must admit it's growing on me at such a furious rate that it's rapidly working its way to my "playlist of lurrvvee ".

my latest acquisition.

2009-02-03T02:34:00.000-08:00

Together at last! Two essential pieces from my book collection.

I bought the first one (The 48 Laws of Power) when I was a sophomore in college, and since then, have lived by the philosophies and contents of this book. It wasn't until many years later that I felt the urge to obtain this book's companion - The Art of Seduction, which obviously came in the mail today after months and months of searching for a hardbound copy.

I am definitely looking forward to having the time to read through this exqusitely fascinating volume.

officially spring.

2009-02-02T02:00:00.000-08:00

For so many reasons, today feels like the beginning of something different.

wet.

2009-02-01T01:49:00.000-08:00

No one else gives this bitch a bath except me.

timeout.

2009-01-31T02:19:00.000-08:00

I'm trying very hard to write the truth onto this page without sounding too rabid. I am totally upset after having such a stressful workweek while flailing madly to keep on top of my other priorities. I just want to scream my head off and get it done and over with.

cheese (on a friday night).

2009-01-30T01:29:00.000-08:00

What would Louiie do on a Friday night when her brain is screaming, "OVERLOAD!"? But of course... I would pick to watch a movie with the most predictable plot to eliminate any possible need of thinking more. While I'm not about to jump up and down after seeing this film, I must shamefully admit that it made me laugh. Yes... it made me HAHA-laugh out of its sheer hokeyness. The sword fighting scenes were also worth seeing, so at the end of the day, if something manages to get a chuckle out of me, my thumbs go up for it.

something that works.

2009-01-29T01:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, I realized that I'm under time pressure to study for my naturalization interview on Monday. What I failed to take into account was that I don't have the time this week to sit on my ass and study at leisure. As a last resort to avoid failure from unpreparedness, I decided to record the entire questionnaire on top of a delta and theta brainwave track so I can listen to it while I sleep. Smart eh? Information planted directly onto my subconscious. Until Monday, I'm crossing my fingers for positive results.

priorities

2009-01-28T01:27:00.000-08:00

Been lugging around this booklet at work so I can brush up on the civics questions for my naturalization interview on Monday (at 7AM). I am more worried about not waking up on time for the interview than actually studying. SHEESH!

overhaul.

2009-01-27T01:20:00.000-08:00

Walked into my closet and practically ejected everything from inside of it to my bedroom floor. Ahhh... Spring cleaning! How absolutely wonderful and time consuming!

SCORE AGAIN!

2009-01-26T01:05:00.000-08:00

And I say, YESSSS!!!

Popped by the Salvation Army thrift store and found a pristine copy of EATS, SHOOTS & LEAVES (an awesome grammar book that I've been eyeing for a loooooongggg time). What an awesome score for $ 0.50 (yes, fifty cents!). Even the Panda stickers in it are intact and unused.

SCORE! SCORE! SCORE!

And to make matters even sweeter, I visited my aunt who recently moved and voila! I inherited her piano, just like that! Myoozik, here I come!

...i, la suma de los dos contrarios.

the definition of exhaustion.

people need something to look forward to...

how years break into months...

Choices

A way of looking at TIME / JUST DO IT.

And I break my writing fast...

The String

the curtain finally parts...

too much of nothing...

amour de nourriture

And here we go again...

The last push.

Using my friend's excuse.

Eureka! (the delayed genius)

15 minutes to breathe.

Something that *nearly* brought me to tears.

Because I actually forgot that I was interesting...

Nailed that thing! (My 1 minute and 27 seconds of fame)

Pacing.

Late Night Sunday Thoughts on Shakespeare

Backing it up.

Le Divorce

1 + 1 makes two.

Altered points of view.

A little inspiration goes a long way.

The Fuzzy Intruder.

The Wall.

A Rough Start

The effects of Chanting, Perhaps?

A letter to a lost love.

It must be love.

A Picture Diary Entry ~ 8.8.09

The fish with 2 names.

RED

Tiny, Silent, but MIGHTY.

The Swimmer

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LOUIIE?

Happy Birthday Mum!

Recent and not so recent thoughts and events that need to be pinned down.

Bring it...

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

A Page Upon A Page.

a little deprivation to raise consciousness.

Two-timer.

Fighting With My Dinner

blog, blog, blog...

Zees leetle pyggie.

sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?

The Prologue ~ (I was despicably wrong when I said I wouldn't be caught dead in a sombrero.)

~operations temporarily suspended~

STEP 1: identify the problem (a.k.a. the day when nothing turned out right)

i see the light.

what is it really?

The Tower

Talk to Her

little red

BINGO!

Pop rocks, gatorade, and REAL D.

Happy Birthday to ME.

eleven things i hate about you.

the underlying reasons.

deadly indigo

A spanking good movie with a spanking good soundtrack.

the mathematics of awesome shoes.

switch that lightbulb on.

snackies.

taxi.

activate your prefrontal cortex.

take away my breaks and aches.

breakfast of (Asian) champions

to see what the fuss is all about.

i simply can't think of anything better.

yoga saves the world.

farewell parties are the best.

a late night conversation

(this is me) sans the bullshit.

battle of the wordsmiths

KUM-WHAT?!?

the second coolest couple i know.

Something that nearly brought me to tears.