I've been fortunate to experience two events twice in 2008: I've endured two summers (one in Asia during my travels, and another one in Las Vegas, which is currently ebbing away as we speak); and I turned 27 twice, I realized, as I sat down last night trying to chow on an elegant 6 course Moroccan meal in light of my "impromptu" faux birthday celebration. My friend, Arsy, had this insane idea of telling the waiter that it was my birthday. Much to my embarrassment, they actually put a nice little pink birthday candle on the Pastilla they served as a dessert, played HAPPY BIRTHDAY on the PA system, had the whole room singing, and voila! It suddenly was my birthday all over again.
The first time my birthday came around earlier this year, I was too busy with my ongoings that I failed to notice it, let alone celebrate it properly. Sad, sad, sad... but this is what happens to you when your TO DO list is on steroids. Anyway, I'm glad that I was able to rectify the situation and cleanse the sin of self neglect by just going with my friend's little prank.
So I blew out my candle and made a proper wish; ate my flaky, phyllo crusted apple pie topped with 3 lbs worth of confectioner's sugar, and; watched the bellydancer lady dance to the Moroccan version of I Will Survive while tinkling her little hand-bells. It was a perfect reprise to the birthday I would have otherwise missed.
Thank God for friends who are as insane as I.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Anonymous
I SHALL NOT PASS THIS WAY AGAIN
Through this toilsome world, alas!
Once and only once I pass;
If a kindness I may show,
If a good deed I may do
To a suffering fellow man,
Let me do it while I can.
No delay, for it is plain
I shall not pass this way again.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
my peace.
I pray... that all who exhibit the God given gift of expressing themselves make it safely home tonight... and all nights. May you be delivered from the dusty avenues, the crowded highways, and wherever else you may tread that either displeases you or gives you utmost joy. Have a safe and blessed journey to where your heart belongs... to that place you call HOME.
my visit to the apothecary
...and so I went because I needed a good fixing.
The next morning, I was gifted with a heavy head and a lighter heart.
Three different people in my landscape pointed out something - prolly my one trait which always manages to bring me to this place. I am too much of a hopeful. I refuse to see things as they are. In return, frustration takes a huge bite out of me when I don't see things fall where I want them to. I like making my own design, but it always seems that I am swimming upstream in their execution.
I once heard a saying that it's okay to fall in with the rest of the pack... follow the path, the movement, and accept the pace. But this is not me... I like to trace my own path and leave a trail behind.
I am sooooo frustrated because I only wanted one thing: to pull a goddamn bunny out of the top hat. And I believed in it so much that it hurt when something else came out of it.
Because of the fact that I am rebellious by nature, I must learn to relish the taste of my own tears.
The next morning, I was gifted with a heavy head and a lighter heart.
Three different people in my landscape pointed out something - prolly my one trait which always manages to bring me to this place. I am too much of a hopeful. I refuse to see things as they are. In return, frustration takes a huge bite out of me when I don't see things fall where I want them to. I like making my own design, but it always seems that I am swimming upstream in their execution.
I once heard a saying that it's okay to fall in with the rest of the pack... follow the path, the movement, and accept the pace. But this is not me... I like to trace my own path and leave a trail behind.
I am sooooo frustrated because I only wanted one thing: to pull a goddamn bunny out of the top hat. And I believed in it so much that it hurt when something else came out of it.
Because of the fact that I am rebellious by nature, I must learn to relish the taste of my own tears.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Separating from Sebastian
One glorious epiphany landed and perched on my head this evening as I was winding things down at work. It was brought about by a conversation about phone lines amongst my boss, my co-workers and myself. The question was, "Do you have a home phone number?". Some people in the kitchen have no home phones - it's an extra bill to pay and with the unlimited minutes that some phone companies offer, a mobile phone can substitute very well for a landline. Most of us have both a land line and a mobile. I rarely use my home phone though... and most of the calls I get there are screened carefully. But one guy, on the other hand, had no mobile.
My coworkers and I were shocked at this admittance. Nowadays, it's an absolute neccessity to carry a cell phone - be it for emergencies, booty calls, email, chat, notekeeping, etc etc. A cell number is a direct line to a person. If you wanted to speak to someone and that particular person is not in front of you, it's easy to drop down to your contacts and, voila! You're connected. Communication is convenient and easy.
I questioned my colleague's peculiar choice of not having a mobile. He answered: "What's it going to be for? If I'm not at home, I'm at work. If I'm at work, then I wouldn't be able to talk. And if I'm not at any of those two places, I probably don't want to take any calls anyway.". And that is where the epiphany hit me.
I have an iPhone (Sebastian, from Cruel Intentions) that I can't live without. I once joked and said that if I could surgically implant my phone to my arm, I would. That is how much time I spend using my phone. From the small hours of the morning, while I sleep (sometimes), at work, on lunch, while driving, while waiting in line at the grocery store, outside of the club or bar, inside the library, at the airport, while shopping, and the list goes on and on and on... Most of the time, my eyes are on that tiny little screen. It's my own little world filled with information, communication and access. Hell! I even plan my week on my phone! So much that all areas of my life involve the use of my darling Sebastian.
Everyday I walk around with my head down and my eyes fixed on my mobile. I'm hooked. I'm addicted. I'm definitely going to go through withdrawals if I lost my phone. I must admit, I let that piece of technology get the better out of me. With my head down, I am not able to see much of the world around me, the people that surround me, and the little details of the day that I should be immersing myself in. I am constantly multitasking and I am not helping myself slow down in any way at all. As a result, I feel more and more disconnected from my universe in the face of access and connection. It's like I'm there but my brain really is busy doing something else. The overall quality of my life is greatly affected in a not-so-nice way.
I made up my mind to slow down and cure this huge imbalance and disconnect while en route home. I let the top drop so I could enjoy the breeze that the remaining days of summer has to offer. I drove slowly for a change, savoring the wind in my hair, looking up at the stars and the moon in between stoplights. I realized I've been missing out on so much of what's in front of me. I am faced with the fact that I've become blind to the obvious.
I am tired, but I have a life that needs to get attended to. With a little change in my step, I plan to inhabit my house, peel off the plastic covers off my brand new cookbooks, use my pretty dishes, and play the Wii games that I bought but I never seem to have time to indulge in.
Starting tonight, Sebastian sleeps soundly in the kitchen.
My coworkers and I were shocked at this admittance. Nowadays, it's an absolute neccessity to carry a cell phone - be it for emergencies, booty calls, email, chat, notekeeping, etc etc. A cell number is a direct line to a person. If you wanted to speak to someone and that particular person is not in front of you, it's easy to drop down to your contacts and, voila! You're connected. Communication is convenient and easy.
I questioned my colleague's peculiar choice of not having a mobile. He answered: "What's it going to be for? If I'm not at home, I'm at work. If I'm at work, then I wouldn't be able to talk. And if I'm not at any of those two places, I probably don't want to take any calls anyway.". And that is where the epiphany hit me.
I have an iPhone (Sebastian, from Cruel Intentions) that I can't live without. I once joked and said that if I could surgically implant my phone to my arm, I would. That is how much time I spend using my phone. From the small hours of the morning, while I sleep (sometimes), at work, on lunch, while driving, while waiting in line at the grocery store, outside of the club or bar, inside the library, at the airport, while shopping, and the list goes on and on and on... Most of the time, my eyes are on that tiny little screen. It's my own little world filled with information, communication and access. Hell! I even plan my week on my phone! So much that all areas of my life involve the use of my darling Sebastian.
Everyday I walk around with my head down and my eyes fixed on my mobile. I'm hooked. I'm addicted. I'm definitely going to go through withdrawals if I lost my phone. I must admit, I let that piece of technology get the better out of me. With my head down, I am not able to see much of the world around me, the people that surround me, and the little details of the day that I should be immersing myself in. I am constantly multitasking and I am not helping myself slow down in any way at all. As a result, I feel more and more disconnected from my universe in the face of access and connection. It's like I'm there but my brain really is busy doing something else. The overall quality of my life is greatly affected in a not-so-nice way.
I made up my mind to slow down and cure this huge imbalance and disconnect while en route home. I let the top drop so I could enjoy the breeze that the remaining days of summer has to offer. I drove slowly for a change, savoring the wind in my hair, looking up at the stars and the moon in between stoplights. I realized I've been missing out on so much of what's in front of me. I am faced with the fact that I've become blind to the obvious.
I am tired, but I have a life that needs to get attended to. With a little change in my step, I plan to inhabit my house, peel off the plastic covers off my brand new cookbooks, use my pretty dishes, and play the Wii games that I bought but I never seem to have time to indulge in.
Starting tonight, Sebastian sleeps soundly in the kitchen.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Because.
Usually, a song conveys the best emotion when in pre-production. It is then when the mix is stripped down to its bare essentials and devoid of any frou frou. I wouldn't say that this is when it sounds best, but for this particular one, this is when I felt it the most.
This one is for you... I'm glad that you've gotten the chance to know the real me after high school.
This one is for you... I'm glad that you've gotten the chance to know the real me after high school.
Monday, September 8, 2008
a new hiding place.
9:38 AM
A phone call from a good friend woke me from my dreamless sleep. She had phoned to see how I am doing with my Maslow process, and had asked if I made any progress overnight. Unfortunately, not. I have not yet begun to emit any tears and this worries me. Maybe my tearducts are in need of a good fixing.
A good conversation, it was... short, but substantial. It called to mind the fact that sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Dispensing advice is easy. Following through with your own advice is a task. To really live by your own advice is GOLDEN.
The little talk with my friend made me backtrack on the things that I've said to her not so long ago. It forced me to recall the little things on top of my head that I've spilled for her well being. I recall advising her to shut down her old blog and turn the chapter, which she did rather courageously. It was a good start... one that took off from an ending which overshadowed the dreariness of having to write at a familiar place that would bring back temporarily unwanted memories. As the world turns and I find myself in a similar situation, I realized that I want the same thing: a courageous start. And that is how this blog came into existence.
I want nothing else but to be unsilenced. I wish not to be abridged, kept in the dark, filtered and unacknowledged.
In my head I see myself as a child running up to the attic of my old home. In my make-believe fortress with a flashlight and blanket in tow, I would read books, draw pictures, talk to myself and daydream until dawn.
Here is my new supersecret hideaway.
A phone call from a good friend woke me from my dreamless sleep. She had phoned to see how I am doing with my Maslow process, and had asked if I made any progress overnight. Unfortunately, not. I have not yet begun to emit any tears and this worries me. Maybe my tearducts are in need of a good fixing.
A good conversation, it was... short, but substantial. It called to mind the fact that sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Dispensing advice is easy. Following through with your own advice is a task. To really live by your own advice is GOLDEN.
The little talk with my friend made me backtrack on the things that I've said to her not so long ago. It forced me to recall the little things on top of my head that I've spilled for her well being. I recall advising her to shut down her old blog and turn the chapter, which she did rather courageously. It was a good start... one that took off from an ending which overshadowed the dreariness of having to write at a familiar place that would bring back temporarily unwanted memories. As the world turns and I find myself in a similar situation, I realized that I want the same thing: a courageous start. And that is how this blog came into existence.
I want nothing else but to be unsilenced. I wish not to be abridged, kept in the dark, filtered and unacknowledged.
In my head I see myself as a child running up to the attic of my old home. In my make-believe fortress with a flashlight and blanket in tow, I would read books, draw pictures, talk to myself and daydream until dawn.
Here is my new supersecret hideaway.
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