WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LOUIIE?

I came back from San Francisco with a couple of things in tow: a brand new drive belt system for my car, mini-mooncakes from Daly City, another charcoal grill to add to my cooking repertoire, and a pain in my abdomen in the lower left region.

Needless to say, I had to get it checked right away. This week's been full of doctor appointments and lab tests. I feel like my body's undergoing an overhaul from all the procedures. I have to take it easy for a couple of days... meaning no biking, no running or whatever. At this point, gentle yoga is even considered pushing it (but I'm doing it anyway, otherwise I would go insane).

I had to get my bloodwork done yesterday. In spite of my worry of the countless bad scenarios that this little symptom could equate to, a plus came out of it...

Lab girl: "You have nice veins.".

Should I consider that a compliment?

Happy Birthday Mum!

My hero turned 68 today.

She's alive, kicking and happier than ever.

Mum's ABSOLUTELY the BEST.

Recent and not so recent thoughts and events that need to be pinned down.

With that being said, I hope I will find the time to blog. My life is just hectic at the moment. Don't get me wrong, everything is PEACHY. It's just that there's a long list of "to-do's" and I never can quite find the time to fulfill them all.

Here are things that I may have forgotten to mention while my head was stuck in the sand:

1.) The superior that I was ranting about... well, he's moved on to a bigger and better room at the Encore. Wahey! My new boss is the shiet. He's inventive and he actually has people skills. I think I might stay at my job a wee bit longer than I planned.

2.) It's official: I am going to New York to visit Kari and Kelly. Girls, prepare...

3.) I am also entertaining the thought of going back to school. For what? Only a choice few can tell. For the meantime, I will leave this topic in the air with suspense. ;)

4.) My brother is amusing me with his late night phone calls regarding lenses for the SLR that I gave him. His passions are unfolding and I am quite excited to work with him soon.

5.) I have the cutest niece in the world. I am bummed that I am missing out on her growing up and all that. I miss her terribly. Plus, I miss cooking for her older sister, Hannah... These little girls mean the world to me.

6.) I never thought I could NOT like a Harry Potter movie until I saw the last one.

7.) Will someone send me tickets to Wicked? I want to see the play before the summer ends.

8.) I am nearly done with my creative rehab program. Only a month more to go!

9.) I haven't been cooking much at home lately. I haven't been eating much as well, and this is perhaps why you don't see any scrumptious pictures posted anywhere.

10.) My schedule's all funky. My thought patterns are like Koi swimming in a pond. They won't keep still! ADD perhaps?

P.S. I have abandoned the 365 project that I attempted to do.

I seriously need to compartmentalize my life.

Bring it...

This is in conjunction with my previous post.

Last Friday, my pen ran out of ink.

(what means this?!?)

Bring it on!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

Thursday last week:

I set up a desk facing my windows, brushed off the dust off my Aunt's circa 1970's typewriter, got a ream of fresh and crisp white paper, and started typing...

After almost finishing a page, the ribbon runs out. I couldn't even type the last word. I HAD TO FREAKING SCRIBBLE IT IN.

Such luck. No one carries typewriter ribbon anymore and I am forced to special order the damn item if I wished to carry on with my poetry. Such luck indeed.

Wednesday (a little while ago).

After relocating my creative efforts over to my studio PC, I was eager to print out my writing for the week.

Bought a twin pack of ink and brought over the ream of paper from my room. For the first three pages, it worked wonderfully. Until...

MY PRINTER LIGHTS START BLINKING AND ERROR MESSAGES STARTED TO POP UP ON MY SCREEN.

I installed the second cartridge. Wow! It's totally genius that I bought two!

I click on PRINT, and a bunch of little squiggles appear on my paper. None of them resemble the document I wanted to print out.

Then I tried to troubleshoot until I was almost late for work.

Alas.

Is this your way of trying to teach me about patience?

A Page Upon A Page.

Lately, I've been spending more time writing on my morning pages as part of my creative recovery program under The Artist's Way. I'm currently on my fifth week, which means that I have accumulated 35 days worth of three page stream of consciousness writing which I do first thing in the morning. All in all, that's about 105 handwritten pages of ups, downs, in betweens, rants, raves, ideas, regrets and so on. 105 pages, man... I would have had half a novel in my hands right now if I were working towards an integrated theme. But no... the reality of it all is that I'm unraveling my knots and dealing with the issues that plague my work.

I am BLOCKED. That was perhaps the hardest thing I have had to admit to myself. I haven't written anything substantial for over a year now, and I've put my music project on hold because of this "issue".

For the past year, I felt like dead weight to the world due to the fact that I haven't created something. I began to feel what it's like to be stuck, which really frustrates me. I let that much amount of time slip by without so much as putting together a poem, a tune, or even a measly line that is directly related to my personal projects. I could beat myself up some more, but somehow I find it futile. There is no other recourse left other than to forgive myself for the time I lost in ennui.

And time is precious.

The absolutely brilliant thing about morning pages and stream of consciousness writing is that when you want to know something, all you have to do is ask and whatever it is will be answered (surprisingly by your own hand). It also points out recurring issues that need to be dealt with. If forces you to be in the moment. It directs your mind to where it needs to be. It has taught me a thing or two about self reliance and other things about myself I would have never understood if I didn't pore over the matter.

It definitely brought me closer to ME.


This morning, I had to ask myself what the payoff for staying blocked is. The answer (in my own handwriting) is below:

If you want to go NOWHERE, then keep doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I cannot believe I just found out that simple truth today.