A Page Upon A Page.

Lately, I've been spending more time writing on my morning pages as part of my creative recovery program under The Artist's Way. I'm currently on my fifth week, which means that I have accumulated 35 days worth of three page stream of consciousness writing which I do first thing in the morning. All in all, that's about 105 handwritten pages of ups, downs, in betweens, rants, raves, ideas, regrets and so on. 105 pages, man... I would have had half a novel in my hands right now if I were working towards an integrated theme. But no... the reality of it all is that I'm unraveling my knots and dealing with the issues that plague my work.

I am BLOCKED. That was perhaps the hardest thing I have had to admit to myself. I haven't written anything substantial for over a year now, and I've put my music project on hold because of this "issue".

For the past year, I felt like dead weight to the world due to the fact that I haven't created something. I began to feel what it's like to be stuck, which really frustrates me. I let that much amount of time slip by without so much as putting together a poem, a tune, or even a measly line that is directly related to my personal projects. I could beat myself up some more, but somehow I find it futile. There is no other recourse left other than to forgive myself for the time I lost in ennui.

And time is precious.

The absolutely brilliant thing about morning pages and stream of consciousness writing is that when you want to know something, all you have to do is ask and whatever it is will be answered (surprisingly by your own hand). It also points out recurring issues that need to be dealt with. If forces you to be in the moment. It directs your mind to where it needs to be. It has taught me a thing or two about self reliance and other things about myself I would have never understood if I didn't pore over the matter.

It definitely brought me closer to ME.


This morning, I had to ask myself what the payoff for staying blocked is. The answer (in my own handwriting) is below:

If you want to go NOWHERE, then keep doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I cannot believe I just found out that simple truth today.